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After a minute, I give her knee a squeeze. Her soft green bloodshot eyes come back to mine and the emotion in them is raw. It claws at my heart and shreds it in a million pieces. As painful as this is, I did this to her. And I deserve every gut-wrenching second of the pain I feel. Her pain.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she croaks out. “Why didn’t you call or text or write and tell me what was happening? We shared everything with each other. Everything.” She shakes her head. “But you up and decided to make this monumental decision without me.” She sucks in a breath and speaks on the exhale. “Gavin, I shut down. Detached from the world and crawled into a hole. All I wanted was to talk with you. My best friend. My everything. And you shut me out.”
A fist wraps around my heart and constricts the organ like a squeaky toy. Over and over and over.
How could I have been such a dick? How could I have been so selfish? Everything I did was in the hopes of Cora not being in pain. At least that’s what I kept telling myself. I thought letting her go was the best option. What other option was there? I had no way to get to her, and my parents did nothing to help. So, in my eyes, letting her live life without restriction seemed like the better option. I didn’t want her to feel obligated—to me or the possibility of me.
Obviously, I am a fucking idiot.
“No matter what I say, it’ll never make up for what I did. But I’d like to try now. Try to fix what I’ve done. Will you let me try? Please.”
I reach for my wallet and she follows my every move. Behind my license, I retrieve a folded piece of yellowing paper with tattered edges. After a deep breath, I set it on the table and slide it to her.
Cora’s red-rimmed eyes study my face. Her eyes dart between mine. Her lips press in a firm line and wobble side to side. And her chin continues to tremor as she reaches for the paper. Fixing this is not enough. I need to make it up to her every day of forever. And I will. I swear I will.
She sniffles and nods. “You know I will. But you have to tell me everything. No more secrets.” She holds up the paper. “What’s this?”
Before I answer, the server delivers our food to the table and cuts off our conversation. Cora tucks the paper in her pocket and I know she will read it when she is alone. Read the last letter she sent me, smudged with her tears and mine.
I stare down at the basket. I have no clue what I am about to eat, but I pick it up and bite down. An odd texture licks my tongue, but tastes weirdly like pulled pork. I shrug and continue eating while Cora giggles across from me. At least my eating brings a smile to her face. A smile is a smile, and I will call it a step in the right direction.
A few minutes pass before I wipe my hands clean and lean back in my chair. “I sold my house in California. Currently, I’m sleeping on Micah’s couch until I find my own place.”
Cora sits quietly across from me. Questions flit over her face, but she doesn’t ask a single one. Her mouth opens and closes. This happens a few times before she finally speaks. “Oh. What about your mom?”
I love how she worries about my mom, now that I moved away. “She’ll be okay. I think she was surprised it took me so long to move back. We argued so much the first two years out there. She expected me to run away and hitchhike back to Florida.” The idea was given serious merit, but was ignored after the reality of how far I wouldn’t get settled.
Cora nods and I continue. “When I got back to California, I sat down with Mom and discussed my plan to move back. Told her about the photo shoot with you. Also told her my time out west should have ended years ago. She was more than understanding and offered to help me in any way possible.”
“I miss your mom,” Cora says.
I lean forward and lay my hand on her knee under the table again. “She misses you, too. I wouldn’t be surprised if she visits soon, now that I’ve moved away. She’ll probably wait until I have a place.” I sip my water, allowing a few breaths to pass before I speak again. “Alyson and Layla have been dealt with also.”
I don’t miss the way Cora flinches when I say Layla’s name. The way her lips curl for a split second. But she collects herself and responds as if she had no reaction. “Uh, I’m not sure what to say.”
“There’s nothing to say. I’m only sorry you were on the receiving end of their jealousy. The moment I got back to California, I reviewed my contracts and sought out a new agent. After I finished my final shoot with Layla, I fired Alyson and told Layla I never wanted to see or hear from her again. It went about as smooth as expected.”
“Gavin, you didn’t have to do that. Not for me.”
Although her words tell me I didn’t need to make such a drastic change in my life, I don’t miss the way her body sags in relief. The small shift in her demeanor speaks a thousand words her lips won’t. Ease slips into her expression and I know what I did was the first step in the right direction.
“Yes, I did. But not just for you, I did it for myself also. Too many nights have passed since I set out to come back to you. When I started modeling, it was to earn as much money as possible so I could fly back to Florida. To you. I hadn’t spoken to you in over a year, but not a day went by where my goal changed. Being with you has always been my endgame.”
She scoots back in her seat and her knee shifts out of my reach. Her elbows rest on the table as she lays her forearms toward me. Palms up, her hands rest as an open invitation for mine. As eager as I am to lay my hands on hers, to feel her warmth, to connect with her intimately, I don’t rush this. I slowly withdraw my hands from under the table and place them in hers. Beneath my palms, her fingers trace steady lines along my skin.
I close my eyes and surrender to my senses. How her soft skin faintly brushes my palms as she trails her fingertips there. Subtle hints of her frankincense and gardenia scent wisp in the air and flutter in my nose. A small hitch in her breathing as she continues to reconnect a bond once severed. The shiver down my spine and fast-growing bloom of heat in my chest as it all swirls together.
God, I want to kiss her. More than anything.
When my eyes reopen, Cora sits across from me slack-jawed. So fucking beautiful.
No matter how much time has passed, she is still the only woman I see. The only woman I want beside me. Today and every day that follows. Cora is it for me. And I assume the same holds true for her. Because she has never moved on from us either. Not fully.
“Gavin, how did she go from being your friend to your fiancée?” I don’t miss the way Cora says she with distaste on her tongue. But I don’t blame her. No doubt I would feel equally as disgusted if the situation were reversed.
“Layla wasn’t getting as many callbacks or opportunities for shoots. My career, on the other hand, was booming. Alyson sat down with the two of us and threw out the idea of us “being engaged.” Of course, it would be strictly for publicity reasons, but I still wasn’t keen. Alyson said we would cut it short after Layla was seen enough times with me. But every time I brought it up, Alyson told me to wait another month. That some brand was on the fence of signing Layla. And I obviously bought the lie every time. From the get-go, something didn’t sit right with me when it came to Layla, but I ignored it. I’ll never be so naïve again.”
I curl my fingers into hers and stare at our hands a moment. The reality of my naïveté is a punch to the gut. How much time was stolen from me because of it? Countless months and years. All because I had tunnel vision—Cora standing in the light at the end. Alyson and Layla—both who knew about the woman in Florida, but not who she was—took advantage of me. Of my eagerness to return to her. They played me. And I had been the damn fool falling for every line and promise.
