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Other than the shopping trip, I had fun hanging out with her. Twice she’d even had Cammy with us. One of the times she was a little loud, but she was a kid, and I had to remind myself that was what they did.
Anyway, Gideon ate the last orange and all the strawberries and didn’t put them on the list. I was hungry and planned to make a fruit salad, and I’d really wanted both, plus I didn’t like fruit salad without strawberries. It was really frustrating that he hadn’t put it on the list. There was a dry-erase marker attached and everything! I’d told him so when I’d gone down to Conflicting Ink to talk to him. He was working in the evening, and my whole night had been thrown off, but then I woke up the next day and he’d not only bought strawberries and oranges, he’d made the salad and had drawn a little hangry monster on a sticky note that I now kept in my wallet. So then I felt bad about being mad, and come to think of it, if I had annoyed him, it was probably that day. But at least his Milo Hangry Monster had been cute.
There was only one problem I hadn’t shared with him…or maybe two. The first was that the more time I spent with him, the more physically attracted I was to him. I didn’t love him or want to be his boyfriend or anything. We didn’t know each other nearly well enough for that. I would probably be a handful as a boyfriend, and I’d accepted that it might not be in the cards for me. But he was really, really hot…and nice. And somehow being nice made him hotter.
It was weird.
My second issue was that I hadn’t watched porn at all since I’d moved in. It was hard for me to have an orgasm without the visual stimulation. My hand on my dick felt good, but I wasn’t really attracted to myself. Even though the sex noises bugged me, seeing sex or sexy people really did it for me, but I’d been so afraid he would walk in while I was jerking off to porn that I hadn’t been able to make myself do it.
And I missed orgasms…a lot. It was making me grumpy, to the point that he might have to draw an ejaculation-starved monster next.
The good news was my bed and other items had arrived, so I slept better, but I was dying to come. My dick was very angry with me, and I couldn’t blame him.
“I really like this color,” Rachel said, looking at some paint samples I got. We were at the bookstore together. We’d cleared everything out, with Gideon’s help, and put it in a storage unit. He also took me to get the supplies I would need for the counter in the café area and a few things like that.
“Do you think it would be rude if I asked Gideon to leave for a certain amount of time? Like just a couple of hours. I need to be able to know he won’t come back. Even when he’s at the shop, he makes trips upstairs at random times. I don’t want to be a jerk…it’s his apartment…but I really need some alone time.”
She waggled her dark brows. “You find a hookup?”
“Oh no. I’ve never had sex with anyone else. I normally just do it with myself.”
“Wait. What? You’re a virgin? Do you want to be?”
“I’m twenty-four. What do you think?”
Rachel laughed. “Good point. Then why haven’t you? You’re hot, Milo. I can guarantee you could find a guy who would want to have sex with you.”
I believed I could too, but I was picky. And I wanted to have sex with someone I trusted. I was worried a random stranger’s kiss or touch or cum would gross me out. Like, how could I be okay with a stranger’s spit in my mouth? What if they shot their load on me and I freaked out? I was okay with cum so far, but I’d only been around my own. There were too many possible disgusting things that could happen, and I didn’t want to risk it. Plus, guys weren’t breaking down my door or anything.
I thought this was one of those things that would make me look weird, so I didn’t want to share it with her. “Veto.”
“Huh?” She crossed her arms.
“I’m vetoing a discussion I don’t want to have. I just want to talk about how I’d like to watch porn without the risk of him walking in on me. I’ll be all in my head if I don’t know, and it’ll be too hard to have an orgasm.” I didn’t know why the thought of Gideon knowing I was watching porn embarrassed me. It was a normal, human thing. People wanted sex and pleasure, but I guessed I just wanted to be in control of whether he saw me jacking off to guys pounding each other.
