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How can I want to be around her and feel irritated by the mere sight of her at the same time?
I get another twenty minutes alone, allowing me one more cup of coffee, before the baby monitor lets me know that Aria is stirring. I make her a bottle before leaving the kitchen, looking toward the couch just in case I missed Ali coming back in from outside. The living room is empty as I enter the hallway, and once again, I’m torn on how I feel about it.
Aria is in an amazing mood this morning, despite the heavy layer of sleep coating her eyes. She’s all smiles and happy cooing when I get her ready for the day, washing her face extra carefully to avoid upsetting her. Her great mood manages to lift my spirits as well, as I lift her to my face and press my nose to her head. She giggles, trying to move away, but her little hands on my chest are ineffectual. I press one final kiss to the top of her head and pull her back.
“Want to see your friends this morning?” I ask, using her as an excuse to go to the daycare.
It’s clear she doesn’t really understand me, but her excitement grows the closer we get to the rooms housing the daycare.
Ali is busy with little Nate across the room when we enter, which gives me the chance to watch her without being noticed.
“Hey, sweet girl.”
I jolt, hating that I was wrong about not being inconspicuous as I turn to look at Emmalyn. Aria wiggles to go to her, pushing away from me with both arms and legs, and I hand her over to Em.
“Did you need to speak with Ali?” she asks, not able to leave well enough alone.
It’s bad enough she caught me watching her, but putting it into words is kind of rude.
I shake my head.
“She’s still sleeping on the sofa,” I mutter.
Em turns, so now we’re both staring at the woman across the room. Thankfully, she’s oblivious to the attention because she’s focused on little Nate as he plays on one of the floor mats.
“It’s been less than a week. It’ll take time,” Em says. “We don’t want to force her to do anything she isn’t ready for. That could set her back even further than she was when she first came here. We’re sending her out on errands and such, so she isn’t in just one place all the time.”
And of course, Boomer is going with her which irritates me for no damn justifiable reason.
“Change is hard,” I mutter, speaking of both what Ali has gone through and the adjustments I’ve also had to make.
“The good thing about time is that we always manage to make it through,” Em says.
Aria squeals, making us both laugh, but it also draws Ali’s attention in our direction.
I give her a little wave, and her eyes widen, telling me it’s out of character for me.
“Have a good day,” I tell Em before turning around and leaving the room.
With my muscles still sore from what I put them through in the gym yesterday, I decide that it’s best to avoid working out, but I also don’t feel right about just being lazy while Aria is in daycare. The living room is empty, as is the kitchen and garage, so I climb in the SUV and leave the property. A bike ride would probably clear my head a little better, but the noise will only make the headache I’ve had for the last couple of days even worse.
I make a quick stop at a gas station for a couple bottles of water and some pain relievers before climbing back in the vehicle. Certain my headache is from being a little dehydrated and lack of sleep, I chug an entire bottle of water and then let my head fall back against the headrest.
The slam of a car door makes me pop my eyes open, and I realize taking a nap in the gas station parking lot probably isn’t the best idea.
I drive around with no real destination in mind but passing the plant nursery reminds me of the hard work Ali and Boomer were putting in at the house a few days ago, so I head in that direction.
The yard looks spectacular, the grass having been mowed very recently. The flowers they planted really make the place look inviting, but I know what lies beyond the front door. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to open the box of those memories.
Lana was working on a special project, as she called it, the day she mistakenly pulled out into traffic. I have no idea what that project was, and I’m sure I’ll never know. The house has been tended to for the last six months and now with Ali living here, whatever Lana was working on could easily be overlooked. I hate that I’ve been gone so long I can’t remember exactly what it looks like inside. I know the big things, like the furniture layout and such, but I can’t remember if there were toys left on the floor that day or if there was laundry waiting in the dryer.
