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I cling to him, wanting to chase that high, but it doesn’t take long to realize that it’ll never happen.
“I’m—” His cock pulses inside of me, feeling good enough to make my eyes roll back a little, but then he’s pulling away from me.
I don’t stick around for the inevitable outburst. I need to be dressed for that interaction. I already feel helpless as it is. I don’t spend long in the bathroom, figuring it’s best to get it over with, but when I open the door with a towel wrapped around me, the room is empty.
I sit on the edge of the bed and cry again. Knowing I wasn’t even worth a confrontation hurts more than his angry outburst ever did.
Chapter 26
Harley
It’s a hard line to toe, the one between feeling a hundred percent physically satisfied and being completely emotionally drained.
As I sit poolside, melting into a lounger, I’m nearly numb to my surroundings, but I guess getting lost in my head is to blame for that.
Several of the guys filter out of the clubhouse, pulling up chairs and loungers near me as if I’m the center of their attention. I don’t want to be around anyone right now, but the old Harley, the one who lost his wife in a tragic accident, has avoided these men for long enough.
I can’t promise I’ll be actively engaging, but I manage to keep the frown off my face, for not being able to sit out here in the fading light of the day and stew in the shitstorm I personally created.
I give Legend a head lift in acknowledgment, and he returns it with the same. I wave off a beer when Apollo tries to hand it to me.
“I’m driving,” I tell him.
It’s partially the real reason I won’t start drinking, but mostly I know if I do, I can’t drive with my daughter in the car, meaning we’d have to stay here. I may be a little remorseful for what happened earlier with Ali, but I don’t want to be forced to spend the night so far away from her. If she’s going to be back at the house, then that’s where I need to be as well.
Conversations start around me, and although I try to keep up and add bits and pieces here and there, I just can’t manage being a very active participant right now. It doesn’t help that Legend is watching me like he knows my secrets and isn’t very impressed with my actions.
My shame doubles and then triples as the evening continues, and I wonder how much these guys would hate me if they knew what I did. If they knew I slept with another woman, would they hate me? Mom and Dad spoke to me about moving on when I’m ready, but I can’t help but feel like these men, the ones dedicated and as in love with their wives as I am with Lana, would consider that moving on is impossible. Do they have it in their heads that they could never in a million years imagine longing for someone else even if they lost their significant other? That’s probably how they all feel because I felt that same way… until her.
Sleeping with each other seemed inevitable. Deep down, maybe I knew it was going to happen the first time I set eyes on her. I knew I’d have her under me if she was willing, and that’s what made me so angry. That’s what continues to keep me tied in knots.
Having her? Sliding inside of her tight heat? I may feel ashamed for doing it, but like any other thing that feels good when it shouldn’t, I want to do it over and over again.
“I’ve got to get the baby home,” I say, standing abruptly even though Aro is in the middle of telling a story I haven’t had the ability to pay attention to.
I get a few murmured goodbyes and feel the heat of Legend’s stare on my back as I walk away. I can’t even concern myself with the fact that I’ll be the next topic of conversation. I can only hope that they won’t spend too much time talking shit about my spastic behavior.
It doesn’t take long to find my mom with Aria cradled in her arms. I approach, waiting for her and Em to finish speaking, but the conversation drops the second I’m noticed. No doubt they’re talking about me, too.
“I need to get her home,” I tell Mom, reaching for Aria’s sleeping form.
Mom inches back. “I was hoping she could stay at the hotel with Pops and me tonight.”
I frown at her, wanting my daughter home with me, but it feels selfish. They flew all this way to spend time with her, and I’ve been selfish enough today. Besides, being able to have a night alone with Ali could solve a lot of the mental battles I’ve been fighting since I left her in the bedroom alone.
