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I turn on my side, away from him, staring out the window. Not that I can see much this high up. Only the dark outlines of the mountains in the distance. I may as well be on the moon. I’m so far from normal reality.
What am I going to do? How do I spend the rest of my life like this? Eventually, I'm going to break. It's inevitable. After watching Christian kill not one but two men without flinching, something tells me my breaking point can't be far away. No matter what he says, no matter what happens, there's nothing true between us. How could there be? He doesn't even have a soul.
I pull the pillow up to my face when the crying over everything I’ve lost gets to be too much. It's soaked by the time Christian touches my shoulder. “What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?”
“I don't need to have a nightmare.” I shake his hand away. “My life is a fucking nightmare.”
“You've been through a shock.” He touches my hip this time, his body closer to me. I squeeze my eyes shut against my natural reaction. Even now, having seen what he's capable of, I want to melt against him. How sick is it that I want him to make me feel good so I can forget, even if for a little while? He's twisting me up with him. Turning me into a sick, depraved animal like he is.
“You put me through it.” I try to roll away, but he holds me in place. “Please. Don't do that. Listen to me for once.”
“Why are you so afraid of me? Can't you understand I did that for you? I believed he was attacking you.”
“Why would a random person attack me? I'm just me. It's a ridiculous excuse.”
His fingers dig in to the point of discomfort. Any more, and I'll be flirting with pain. “You don't know what you're talking about.”
“And I’m sure you wouldn’t want to tell me.” I glare at him over my shoulder. “Why don't you tell me why somebody would try to kill me in a random alleyway? If you were so concerned, why did you even take me out hopping, then?”
“It's complicated.”
“It’s very simple. You're a possessed maniac. You can't stand to see anyone touch me, not even a random stranger thanking me for kindness. That's all he was doing.”
I can’t see him well in the darkness, but there’s no missing his low growl. “I didn't know that.”
“No, and you wouldn't want to wait three seconds to find out, either. You would rather act first and apologize later.”
“I didn’t apologize.” He sounds proud of himself for it. “I only explained why I did it. You're taking this way too hard.”
“You can't believe that. I'm only taking it the way a normal person would. You know, after seeing an innocent person killed in cold blood over something so harmless.”
“He was nothing but a lowlife with no family or friends. No one will miss him.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” He makes a shushing noise and tries to pull me in close. I'm sure he only wants to press his erection against my ass since that’s all he wants me for. I'm not going to let that happen. Not tonight.
I get out of bed before he can stop me, backing away until I’m almost pressed against the window. What am I thinking of doing next? Jumping? Right now, the idea doesn't seem half bad, but I know I don't have it in me.
Christian sighs as he sits up. The sheet falls away from his bare torso. I even hate him for taking away the thrill of seeing him like this. “Get back into bed.”
“No. I don't want to be in bed with you. I don't want you to touch me.”
His mouth twitches. “We both know that's not true.”
“Don't do that. Don't act like anything about this is normal. You have no right to touch me.”
“The ring on your hand says I do.”
“What, this?” I hold up my left hand, snorting in disgust. “Is this a ring or a handcuff?”
“Which would you rather it be?” He rests his arms on his bent knees, the picture of ease and calm. His hair is tousled, and his eyes are still slightly blurry with sleep. I can't even pretend he's not hot like this. If the situation were different, I would be too happy to crawl into bed and pull him on top of me.
“I would rather it not mean I have to be ready for you whenever you want me, however you want me, no matter how I feel.”
“It's only how you think you feel. Your body knows the truth.”
“A physiological reaction isn't the same as wanting something here.” I put a hand over my chest, where my heart is thumping like mad. I almost can't believe I have the courage to stand up to him, especially after what I've witnessed. But if I don't do it now, I never will. “You have no right to do the things you do to me. And even if I do want you to touch me, even if I like it, it's still wrong.”
