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And for the first time since learning the truth, I want to be close to him. I need his nearness, the strength of his arms around me. Even when we're doing nothing more than watching an old romantic comedy, this silent protection of his embrace allows me to sink into the moment instead of always wondering in the back of my mind how much longer this can last.
It's enough to make me want to stay here forever. When we’re away from his father, Christian can be the man I fell in love with. I don't feel so clueless or used now that I know I didn't imagine the way he used to be.
“What's next?” he asks as the credits roll on what has to be the twentieth movie we've watched since reaching the hotel.
“Maybe I'll take it easy on you. No romantic comedy this time. You can take a Sandra Bullock break.”
“Thank God. I'm not sure how many more happy endings I can take.”
“We could watch a bunch of weepy dramas, instead. Maybe you'd like that a little more. A movie where somebody dies tragically.”
“Violently?” he asks, lifting an eyebrow.
“Not usually in the weepy movies, no. More like a tragic illness or something like that.”
He screws his face up in disapproval. “How about something with a little action? Gunplay, jumping off tall buildings.”
“Do you really think either of us needs to watch something like that right now?” Real life is action-packed enough. I'm trying to get away from reality, not have it thrown in my face.
“Maybe I want to live vicariously.” He gets up from the sofa, stretching before emitting a long, deep groan. “As nice as this has been, I'm not used to spending days on end doing nothing but watching TV.”
“I'm sorry you feel like you have to stay locked up here with me.”
His arms fall to his sides as he turns my way. “You never have to apologize. I've told you before that nothing matters more than protecting what's mine.” Normally, hearing him talk about me that way would turn my stomach. It would at least stir resentment in my heart.
I don't mind it so much now. Being his means being protected. I can't forget what brought us here and what's keeping us here, but I can sleep at night. And I can almost forget, for at least an hour or two at a time, that somebody out there wants me dead.
He walks over to the window. I don't have to see his face to sense his wistfulness. It's dangerous, softening my opinion of him like that. Thinking of him as human and having a heart. The conversation we had the first night here went a long way toward helping me understand him, even if the puzzle isn't yet complete. I do know some things. He's not a monster. He was trained to be one, perhaps from birth, but there's still something in him that's good. It's capable of feeling. Wanting, regretting. Maybe even loving.
Or am I only telling myself that? I always end up with more questions than answers when I start thinking too much.
“Do you think it would be safe for us to go out? Even if it’s only for a walk? We could both use the exercise.”
He tenses before shoving his hands into his pockets. “I wish I could say for sure.”
“Only a few minutes. Nobody’s going to try to assassinate me in the middle of a crowded street. I’m not that important.”
“You are to me.”
“You know what I mean,” I press as gently as possible. “I haven't said it before now because I didn't want to be a problem, but I'm dying to get out of here for a little bit. I feel like I'll go crazy if I don't, I don't know, touch grass or something.”
“Touch grass?” He looks back at me, smirking.
“Yes. And now I will deliberately seek out grass to touch.”
That's enough to break through his stoic facade and get him smiling. It's easy to forget how beautiful he truly is. I've been a bit more interested in his behavior lately to let my thoughts wander to his looks. “I guess a walk wouldn't hurt anything.” I practically jump up off the sofa, ready to get going. Never has a simple walk seemed like such a treat.
We take the elevator down to the lobby, which is a lot busier than it was when we first arrived. Then it was late enough that we were the only people at the front desk. Now, there are dozens of people spread out through the airy space. Now that we aren't in such a hurry, I can admire the beauty all around me. Sunlight streams through tall windows and makes the crystal dripping from overhead chandeliers sparkle brilliantly. I could stand here and watch the light prisms all day.
