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Blinking to rid my eyes of sand that was blowing in the desert breeze, I leaned into Carter, relaxing my cheek onto his back. As always, I felt safe whenever he was in control.
We rode in silence for a while before I was the first to speak.
“I’m sorry about last night. It was stupid of me to do something like that if I had no intention of taking it all the way with you.”
“Don’t worry about it. I hope you understand where I was coming from, though.”
“I do.”
“When I finally take you, there’s not going to be any holding back. That’s why you need to be completely ready for it.”
“I know you’re not used to women thinking twice before opening their legs to you.”
“Do you not remember me telling you that I liked a challenge?”
“I remember.”
“I’m up for it, Perky. Don’t worry. I’ll wait as long you need me to.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Go ahead. Anything. You know that.”
“All of the women…never letting anyone in…even your career which assures you’re never in one place for too long…is it all because of Lucy?”
Silence.
God, I was such an idiot. Again.
After a few minutes, I finally spoke. “I’m sorry, Carter. I shouldn’t have asked that. It seems I just keep sticking my nose in places it doesn’t belong the last twelve hours. First the bathroom, now this. I was out of line. I hope you’re not upset.”
His voice was low. “I am upset, but it has nothing to do with you.”
Carter steered the camel down a small hill. It was nothing but sand for miles. And us. The few buildings that sporadically dotted the desert were no longer in sight. “We don’t have to talk about it.”
“That’s the thing. I’ve never talked about Lucy. Not with anyone. My parents tried for a while, but they quickly realized they weren’t going to get anywhere and gave up. As horrible as it sounds, I just moved on. It’s been years since I let myself stop and think about everything that happened. Pretty sure I’ve thought about my life more in the last forty-eight hours than I have in the last fifteen years. Didn’t realize how much I was still holding onto.”
“Sometimes the things we hold onto the tightest are the things we most need to set free.”
Carter sighed. “Yeah.”
“It sort of makes sense. The lifestyle you lead. Always moving around and blowing through women. You can’t get hurt if you never get attached.”
“And I can’t hurt them if they never get too close.”
“It’s a protective mechanism. We all do it to some extent. I’ve been doing it the last year myself. In the back of my mind, I knew what I was going to eventually have to do, and I started pushing people away. My friends, the little family I have left…I didn’t want them to judge me when the time came.”
Somehow, Carter reigned in Fouad, and we came to a stop. He managed to swing one leg over the camel and turned so we were facing each other completely. Pushing a lock of hair behind my ear, he said, “I won’t judge you, Perky. Not ever. I give you my word.”
His eyes were filled with sincerity. I truly believed he meant it.
“And I’m here for you if you want to talk about Lucy. Anytime, anywhere. Even when this trip is over.” My heart squeezed thinking it wasn’t long now, the end of the road was coming near.
Carter kissed my forehead and then wrapped me in a tight embrace. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”
Apparently, Fouad decided we were done with our little heart to heart. He started walking again, forcing Carter to swing back around and face forward. For the rest of the ride, I kept my
arms wrapped around him from behind and did what I’d done since the first time I followed this man—held on tight.
