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“Yes. I can’t string them along much longer.”
Nodding to myself for a bit, I said, “I think that’s a good idea then. Take some time to think things over. As much as I love being around you, neither one of us can think straight around each other.”
“I need to go online and get a ticket. I’m gonna try to get onto something that leaves out of Miami so we can depart from the same airport around the same time.”
Slapping her ass playfully, I said. “Why don’t you do that, get it over with. I was thinking we’d stay home, but after you’re done, maybe we should hit the beach, get some sun and fresh air, just chill there for the rest of the day until we have to get ready.”
A half-hour later, Kendall and I headed to Deerfield Beach. Even though the water was calm and perfect, we both opted to just lie down on the sand, taking in the sound of the ocean and the crystal clear blue sky.
As relaxing as the beach should have been, we were both still tense. At one point, we were lying on our stomachs, and she wouldn’t let go of my hand. Our faces were turned toward each other. When she finally flipped around, I followed suit and let go of her hand to place mine on her taut stomach. I rubbed my thumb along her perfect navel, and a surge of jealousy and possessiveness overtook me. The answer was becoming clearer to me.
I wanted her to belong to me and only me.
I didn’t want her to carry some other man’s baby. No fucking way.
I wanted her to carry my baby.
Not just because of some crazy inheritance shit, but because I wanted a baby with her—a future with her.
While having a baby right now wasn’t ideal, there was no doubt that I wanted it. So, given the urgent situation, why wait?
Lucy.
That was all I could think of. It was the fear of hurting Kendall, like I’d hurt Lucy. It lingered like a black cloud over me—that fear of letting Kendall down. It was ever present, but damn it, it wasn’t strong enough to overshadow my need for her—my love for her.
This situation was a
ll or nothing.
Now or never.
I wanted time with her for myself, but I also had to respect her deadline. She would lose everything if we didn’t act fast. No matter what happened, it was win-win as far as I was concerned. I made enough to support both of us even if the money were to fall through in the event we had a girl. The thought of a little blonde version of Kendall who called me Daddy made me smile. I wanted to do this. I wanted to father her baby.
Our baby.
My heart started to pound. “I love you, Kendall.” The words came out easy. It was the first time I’d ever said them to anyone but Lucy and my immediate family
She turned to me, looking stunned as she lifted her hand to her forehead to shield her eyes from the bright sunlight.
I continued, “Before you say anything back, I have a lot more I need to say.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
“This is crazy, right? Falling in love so fast? But I’m convinced that’s how it happens when it’s the real thing. You just know when it feels right. Kendall, you make me so incredibly happy. And while ideally, I’d want you all to myself for a while, I understand that loving someone also means taking their needs into consideration.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I don’t want to share you with anyone. That goes for your body, too. I don’t want you carrying another man’s baby. I want to be the one. I want to get you pregnant. But more than that, I want to be a father to that baby, to love it, because it would be a part of you and me. I want it all with you. I don’t care if we’ve known each other ten minutes or ten years. When you know, you know.” Cupping her face in my hand, I said, “I know where my head and my heart are. They’re on the same page, but I guess you have to figure out whether you want the same things I do.”
She leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my lips. “I love you, too, Carter. I really do. I have no doubts about that, but I really wasn’t expecting you to offer what you just did. Having a baby is one thing, but raising it is another. I guess you’ve just given me another thing to think long and hard about.”
An intense relief coursed through my veins, relief that she didn’t tell me I was crazy, relief that she seemed to be considering my offer.
“You don’t think I’m nuts for wanting to knock you up?”
“Isn’t this whole situation nuts to begin with…in a good way? Anyway, if I didn’t know you so well, maybe it would seem a little nuts. But you’re my loveable, crazy captain, and nothing about our entire experience together has been conventional. Not one single thing.”
“Believe me, I’m scared. I never want to let you down like I let Lucy down. But I think for the first time in my life, something has mattered enough for me to take a chance. I’m way more terrified of losing you than I ever could be of trying and failing. And I can assure you that if we had a child together and somehow ended up apart, I would never turn my back on my kid. There is nothing more important than a child or their best interests. That baby—our baby—will be my priority. If that means finding another career because you can’t handle me being away, then so be it.”
