Page 22 of The Birthday List (Maysen Jar 1)

“What?” I squeaked. My voice was so high it’d send dogs into barking hysterics.

“See?” She gave me her smug smile. “You like him.”

I shook my head. “No, I don’t. I don’t like him.”

“Liar.”

I huffed. “It’s complicated. I know him.”

“Yeah. From karate.”

“No.” I shook my head and took a deep breath. “I knew him before karate. He was the cop that came to my house to tell me that Jamie . . .” I twirled my wrist instead of finishing my sentence.

“Oh, shit.”

“Pretty much.”

Molly paced back and forth by my prep table for a few moments, fidgeting with her hands. When she stopped walking, she planted both hands on the table. “Okay. I can see how that would be weird, but the fact still stands. You like him.”

I shrugged. “He’s cute. But I don’t like him.”

“Cute?”

“Smoking hot. Whatever. None of that matters. I am in no place to be liking a man.”

She sighed and left the table, coming to stand right in front of me. Then she placed her hands on my shoulders. “Okay. I’ve been saving this speech for a day like today.”

“I’m scared right now.”

“Shush and listen up.” She took a breath and started reciting something she’d clearly practiced a time or twelve. “You are my best friend and I love you. I want you to be happy and have love in your life. Jamie would have wanted you to be happy and have love in your life. And I think it’s time for you to open your heart again to that possibility.”

“It’s too soon.” I shook my head. Even thinking about being with another man made my heart hurt. I couldn’t do that to Jamie. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

“Poppy,” Molly whispered, “at some point, a man was going to come along and catch your eye. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with you exploring something with that guy. It’s not a betrayal to Jamie.”

The lump in the back of my throat started to choke. “It feels like it though. I can’t do that to him.”

“I understand. I really do. We all loved Jamie. We all miss Jamie. But it’s been five years. You’re going through his list to try and move on, right?”

I nodded.

“The list is a good thing, you know I support you in that. But just marking off all Jamie’s check boxes isn’t going to be enough. At some point, you have to live for you too. That’s how you’re going to move on.”

“But I . . .” I wanted to move on, but I was scared to move on. As much as I wanted to be happy and let go of the past, I was terrified that I’d lose the piece of Jamie still in my heart.

“But what?”

I took a deep breath and confessed the worries that had kept me from sleeping last night. “What if I fall in love with another man and forget Jamie?”

She gave me a sad smile. “Do you really think that would ever happen?”

“No,” I sighed. “Not really. I’m just scared.”

“I get that. But I’m not saying jump into bed with Cole or have his babies. I’m just saying, you think he’s cute. From the look in his eye, he thinks you’re cute too. You two should spend some time being cute together.”

“Okay. I officially hate the word cute.”

“Me too.” She laughed. “So what do you say? Have dinner with him. Do it for me. Pleeeeease?”