Page 53 of Collateral Damage


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Chapter Twenty-Two – Tank

I feel the distance more now that I’m parked in front of our home than I did when I was in Istanbul. Usually after an op, I have a couple of days to decompress. During that time, I don’t see anyone or do anything. I order pizza, do my workouts, and spend a few days in front of the Xbox. Sometimes I’ll even take myself off to a really remote campsite with no network coverage and recharge. This time is different, though. This time when I come home, Jess is here, and I have to keep the walls up or the questions will keep coming.

I don’t blame her. In the days after an op, it’s like I’m a completely different guy. Like I’m surrounded by bricks made of ice, and it takes a few days to thaw before I can break out of the numbness and be myself again. My phone buzzes, and I look down, shaking my head. It’s not like it’s a surprise. I should’ve known. The screen flashes with an incoming call from Dylan. She knows I’m back today. I expel a huge sigh before answering the phone.

“Hey, Squeak.”

“Hey, loser. What’s happening? You back?”

“Yeah, just got in.”

“How was it?”

I go quiet for a beat. A second, really, but it’s long enough for Dylan to home in.

“Let me guess. You’re not gonna tell me.”

I sigh. “You know I can’t tell you.”

“Maybe not, but don’t you think it would help to talk about how you feel?”

“You don’t think if I thought it would fucking help to talk, that I would’ve already?”

It’s Dylan’s turn to sigh. It’s the same argument we have every single time I come back from a mission.

“I don’t want to get into this with you now. Did you need something?”

“Do I need to have a reason to call my own brother?” I hear the mock hurt in her tone.

“No, you don’t.”

“I just wanted to see how you were doing.”

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine.”

“Dylan.”

“That warning tone of yours doesn’t scare or intimidate me at all.”

God, this is exhausting. “Dylan, I can’t do this right now. I’m just about to walk in and see Jess for the first time in weeks.”

“Alright, I’ll let you go as long as you promise me one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t be an idiot when you go inside. This is the first time she’s had to deal with any of this. It’s got to be an adjustment for her too.”

The fight leaves me. Dylan is right. “I know.”

“You know I love you.”

“I love you too, Squeak.”

I end the call and take a few deep breaths, trying to decompress more from my sister’s call than anything else. She means well, I know she does, but she doesn’t realize that it isn’t always helpful for her to bombard me the moment I get home from a tour.

I open my trunk, get my bag out, and sling it over my shoulders. I take three steps before the front door opens and Jess runs out, launching herself at me. I drop my bag at my feet and grab her, twirling her around in the air, my lips pressed against hers in a nanosecond. I walk both of us into the house. Her legs are wrapped around my waist, both of us letting the other know how much we missed being apart with our lips instead of words.

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