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“Jess, I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.”
My heart rate speeds up. I can’t even speak because my breath is caught in my throat.
“You have what we call an ectopic pregnancy. The baby is in your right fallopian tube and not in your uterus where it’s supposed to be.”
I shake my head. That’s impossible. “It can’t be. I’m not bleeding or having any pain. Well, except for when you pressed against my right side just now.”
“Sometimes when the pregnancy is still early on, there are no symptoms.”
I sit up and lower my paper gown to my knees. “Okay, so what do we do now?”
“I’d like to do some bloodwork and a couple of other tests to see if you need a salpingectomy or if we can do a salpingostomy. If all goes well, we can sort you out, and you can start trying again really soon.”
Trying again? I think I’m going to be sick. I bring my shaking hand to my mouth.
“The procedure is very noninvasive.”
Noninvasive in the sense that you’re taking my baby out of my body.
Everything else Doctor Brooks says fades into the background. I feel the tears before I hear my sobs, and my body starts to shake. It takes a second for Doctor Brooks to have her arms around me to console me.
“Shhhh, it will be okay. It’s going to be okay.”
But it isn’t going to be okay. Nothing is going to be okay.
***
The next few hours go by in a numbed-out state. Since I’d only had a cup of coffee before my appointment, Doctor Brooks scheduled me in for a late afternoon procedure so I wouldn’t have to go home knowing I was going to be losing my baby tomorrow. I know the pregnancy wasn’t viable, but it still made a difference to me. I wouldn’t be able to handle it if I had to wait all night for them to take my baby out of me. I phone Skyla and tell her I’m on my way to the hospital, and she and Jensen arrive with my bag. It’s a quick procedure, and I’ll be released today, but I appreciate their thoughtfulness.
In the thirty minutes it takes to prep the OR, Jensen must ask me a million times if he should call Chris. At first, I was mad at Skyla for telling Jensen about the baby, but then I realized that what she has with Jensen is exactly what I wanted with Chris and couldn’t blame her. I wanted to have a relationship where I share everything with my partner and he with me.
“We’re ready for you now,” a tall nurse with short brown hair and kind eyes announces as he curls his fingers on the bottom of the bed frame and starts wheeling me out.
I grab Skyla’s hand. “Call Chris.”
“You sure?”
I understand the hesitancy. I’ve been fighting with her not to tell Chris since I found out I was pregnant.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“Alright. See you soon.”
“It’s gonna be fine, Jess.” Jensen squeezes my hand.
I see Skyla shoot him a really? face, and he shrugs and gives her a what did I say? look.
Everything else goes by in a blur. I’m in the OR in five minutes. I place my hand on my stomach and try not to be overcome by the idea that this is the last time our baby will be inside me. The anesthesiologist explains what the drugs are going to do, and before I know it, I’m counting backward from ten, only managing to get to seven before the sleep overtakes me.
My last thought is if Chris will come.
Of course he will. He always does the right thing.
