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“That bad, huh?”
“Worse.” Skyla and I say at the same time.
“Hey, I just spoke to one of the guys from work. There’s an old couple who own an apartment building in Carlsbad. It’s a great building. They came from humble beginnings and know how hard it is to change one’s life when everything is so expensive. The rent is about a third of the price of anything you can find in the area. The only thing they ask is that you volunteer a certain number of hours at a center for some worthy cause, and after a month, they reduce the rent for that.
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah, a few of the guys at the base are staying there.”
“Thanks, I’ll check it out.”
Twenty minutes later, I’m in a bath with bubbles up to my neck and my first glass of wine in weeks. I should be feeling guilty for wallowing when after I spoke to Jensen, I checked out the apartment he was talking about and found an amazing little gem. Mrs. Littlewood is the sweetest old lady under the sun, and her husband is exactly how I wished my grandfather could be. But I feel the pressure of the reality of my situation kick in. I don’t want to move. I don’t want to live my life without Chris or a family.
I let the tears flow until they run dry and then sink under the bubbles, pretending for a time that things are okay. I need to get back to work, to have a purpose. On Friday, I’m joining one of Keagan’s classes to see if I’m ready to go back to work. I should feel kinda bad for the guy. He’s been picking up my slack these last few weeks, but he owes me after I filled him for him on numerous occasions.
When the water starts to cool, I get out of the bath and dry my hair. I wonder how long it will take for my emotions to settle down completely. Right now, it feels like I’m on a seesaw. One minute I’m up and the next down. Deciding I need an early night, I climb into bed and switch off the light. When am I going to be able to fall asleep without feeling like there’s a giant hole in my heart?
Without missing Chris?
