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But then I remembered I wasn’t sitting across from my boss.
I was sitting across from the man who only last night told me he loved me.
“Julian – what the hell is going on?” I demanded, finally snapping when I heard him mention Hoult Publishing International for the third time. “Why are you talking to me like this? And why do you keep mentioning Hoult International? What do they have to do with this conversation?”
Julian didn’t even flinch.
“There were no open positions at Una Magazine in the States,” he said, his expression blank. “The position I’m setting you up with is for Una U.K. Based in London.”
My heart slammed against my ribs as I stared at him.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, my voice reduced to a harsh whisper. “Julian, what are you trying to do to me right now?”
“I’m telling you the truth when I say there was no available position in the States,” Julian said. A slight frown appeared between his brows as he looked at me. “I can’t have you working here anymore, Sara. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t do this to me, Julian,” I said between my teeth. “I know you’re in there, and I know you recognize how fucked up this is right now.” The anger in my chest boiled, rising to my throat as he continued sitting there, a statue in a suit, giving me absolutely nothing. “At least give me the explanation,” I demanded, wishing I didn’t sound as shaky as I did. But at least I was talking. Julian continued with his silence as he sat there, studying me with the eyes that usually gave away his emotions.
Right now, they were empty. Like he’d flipped the switch back to being the unfeeling person he was before we met.
I didn’t realize it would be so easy for him. I thought like me, he had changed gradually. That together, we’d found a new side of him the way we did with me. At this point, there was no way I could get rid of what I’d discovered about myself – about how much I could open myself up, and how deep I could actually feel.
But apparently Julian was wired differently.
And I should’ve fucking guessed.
“What happened yesterday?” I challenged, refusing to back down without a straight answer. “Tell me what happened, because I know you meant it when you said it, Julian,” I hissed, my heart hammering as I watched his blue eyes spark to life. “I know you did. And yes, I entertain a lot of dreams and fantasies, but I’m not the type to imagine things, or see something where there’s nothing. I’m not by nature a hopeful person – you know that by now,” I ground out. “So if you refuse to let yourself feel for me anymore, then fine. I won’t grovel. But at least, explain to me what happened here, because you said you loved me last night, and a day later, you’re trying to get me as far away from you as possible. You know how cruel you’re being right now. And you know I deserve an answer.”
My hands were shaking. I didn’t know when I rose to my feet, but I did. And now I stood waiting for what felt like ages, because as always, Julian took his time to reply.
“This company is and always will be my priority, Sara,” he finally said, sinking my heart like a stone. “This company is how I found my way back to my family. It takes all of me to run both this place and the stadium the way I see fit.” He paused, the sharp lines of his jaw tightening. “I’ve never wanted something like I’ve wanted you, Sara,” he said, his voice a low murmur. “But what I want and what I need are two very different things.”
“I don’t feel like you mean that,” I whispered.
“I do,” Julian countered, his frown deepening. “I’m content around you, Sara. Borderline complacent, and I can’t afford that. We both need to focus on ourselves right now, Sara. We both have a lot of work to do.”
It was a last slap in the face, because all I heard was, “You’re a work in progress. Too far from together for me to bother with.”
My entire body trembled as I stood there staring at the shell of Julian Hoult – the person Emmett had warned me about. He was back on autopilot, content to simply sit there without saying another word. I shook my head in sheer disbelief. I couldn’t bring myself to accept this reality, but after another minute of silence, it was clear this was the only option I was getting.
And like I’d told him, I refused to grovel. If there was anything I was vehemently against, it was being that girl again – the one who’d do anything to be wanted, when clearly she wasn’t. I absolutely refused.
So with one last look at Julian, I turned on my heel, and I forced myself to go.
38
JULIAN
“You’re not allowed in my suite if you don’t have a beer. At least hold it, for Christ’s sake.”
I looked up to find Emmett trying again to make me drink. It was his fourth attempt in as many innings, and this time, his last ounce of patience was gone along with his usual grin.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he spoke over me when I opened my mouth. “Technically, it’s your suite because you own the stadium. Got that. Don’t care. If you’re gonna sit with me, you’re going to at least try to have a good time,” he said, holding the beer in my face till I took it. “Atta fuckin’ asshole.”
“Not sure that’s the saying.”
“Yeah, well it is for you.”
