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His mom.
I watched the little frown between Adam’s eyebrows deepen as he untied and retied my drawstring, making us both snort a little before he finally gave me an answer.
“After Holland was born, I think she was home from the hospital for four, maybe five days before I got to even look at her.”
My lip protruded as I tilted my head to the side. Four or five days? What was the normal amount of time to wait to introduce siblings? Probably none? As soon as they get home?
What the fuck, Jeannie, I thought for probably the ten thousandth time in the past five years.
“She’d tell my dad she just gave birth, she needed time alone with the baby. Said I stressed her out. When I finally did get to see Holland, it was like she was throwing me a bone. It would just be these little two-second glimpses, but as soon as I started trying to say hi, she’d pull away.”
“Wow.” I tried not to gape as Adam spoke—not that he was even looking at me, his eyes were still downcast—but it was hard not to be a little shocked, because I actually wouldn’t have guessed Jeannie Maxwell to be this level of cruel. To a ten-year-old no less. “So you never got to bond with Holland,” I said softly. Adam shook his head.
“I thought it was normal that kids weren’t allowed to go anywhere near babies. But then our family visited, and my mom let my neighbor hold Holland on the couch. And we were the same age. So I asked if I could. Answer was no. And when my dad tried to argue, she said I was bad, that I’d hurt the baby and make her cry. So at this point, I was like, fuck this.”
I managed a laugh. “That’s what your ten-year-old brain thought?” I teased. He smirked.
“Whatever the ten-year-old equivalent to that is,” he said. “I was just pissed, because I had actually been on my best behavior when she got back from the hospital. No tantrums. Being quiet. I was about to have a little sister, so I was trying to turn a new ten-year-old leaf,” he said, making me giggle softly. “But that day with my neighbor was my breaking point and I just thought, fuck being good. When Mom’s asleep, I’m going to sneak into the nursery at night and hold my sister better than my neighbor did, and just prove everyone wrong.”
“Did you?”
Adam nodded. “Yeah. It was solely to spite my mom, but then I climbed into the crib and scooped Holland up. And she woke up, but she was fine. Didn’t even cry. She just looked up at me like, oh, okay. That’s what you look like.” My heart twisted a little as Adam laughed to himself. “I was just holding her and I was basically triumphant one second, crying the next. These angry little kid tears, because that meant I wasn’t actually damaged or defective like Jeannie made me believe for so long. I could hold my baby sister and keep her safe. And happy.”
I was floored, a giant knot in my throat. Adam didn’t even tell the story like he was sad, but I was completely heartbroken. I could understand how a teenager who fought at school and totaled cars could earn such disdain from a parent, but I couldn’t imagine that ten-year-old Adam deserved to be treated like a leper in his own home. Conditioned to believe he was plain bad. Defective.
I felt like there had to be something more here, and I wanted so badly to ask. But I knew even Holland didn’t know, so how would it be any of my business?
“Adam, you know you’re a good brother, right?” I said, tipping his chin up so his eyes met mine. “You were there for her when she was planning The Great Escape,” I said, smiling when he smiled at the name of the plan Holland had hatched to move out. “You consulted on everything, all the logistics, so it could work without your mom finding out.”
“That was both of us,” Adam said.
“True.”
“And let’s be real, she took your advice more often than mine.”
I laughed. “Also true. But we’re a team. She wouldn’t have me without you. And she’ll always need you. It’s never going to be too late to be the brother you always wanted to be for her, because your relationship to her is nothing anyone else can replace. You’re her only brother,” I said with a growing smile as I felt Adam’s strong arms circle around me, hugging me even closer as I spoke. “You’re the only one she grew up looking at like he was a superhero. And I know she’s become quite the grown-up really fast—like, out of nowhere—but she’s still always going to be that little girl who’s just endlessly fascinated by everything her big brother does,” I said softly. “She’s never going to stop looking up to you. And because you helped her get out of that situation last year, you have from now till forever to be in her life, and be good to her the way you always wished you could.”
Adam nodded, and for the next five or ten seconds, he just looked at me. With my arms snaked around his neck, I felt his touch on the bare skin of my back as he slipped his hands under my shirt. “You know I couldn’t have done this without you, right?” he finally said. His eyes were solemn, serious, but I could feel the appreciation glowing in them as he looked at me.
“I think you could’ve,” I said genuinely. But then I cracked a smile. “I just think it would’ve taken a little longer.”
“Yeah, well.” His fingers stroked lightly against me. “I’m glad it didn’t,” he said before cupping the back of my neck and pulling me in for another kiss—one that didn’t break even as he pressed his hand against my back and laid me down on the couch, letting me feel the weight of his hard body as he laid on top of me. Parting my lips, his tongue slid against mine, kissing me with a hunger that deepened by the second.
We were both half-naked, our shirts on the floor and my hand in his sweats when he groaned that he was out of condoms. I almost blurted that I was on the pill. That I was clean and I knew he was, because I was in the car and his phone was too loud when he got his last test back.
But I didn’t. A part of me said it was for the better, because I needed to slow down. Take a breather. Because what Emily said about Adam being a few notches from falling—it turned out she was onto something.
Maybe he was. Maybe he wasn’t.
But I was definitely there. Smack dab in the danger zone and in too deep to pull myself out.
26
AJ
I stirred to the sound of an unfamiliar chime and awoke to find myself blinking out the window. My bleary eyes took their time to focus. First on the shimmering blue pool. Then the canyons.
I processed that I was in Adam’s bed about a second before I processed his strong arms wrapped around me.
