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After that, I was resigned to the fact I would be stuck living that “typical” American life, that “typical” worn-out American dream, and raising that “typical” American family.
But deep down…
Deep down it had all felt wrong.
Not once had it felt right.
My only real joy in the last twelve years came from the birth of my children.
And still did. Even though they were kind of hating me right now.
Nevertheless, I couldn’t be true to them if I wasn’t true to myself first. It took me a long time to figure that out and now that I had…
I sighed.
That was how I ended up back in Pittsburgh. In the city I had always loved so much. Missed so much, too.
I returned to the scene of that head-on collision. Went back to where my life took a wrong turn.
Because of my kids, I never thought I’d come back here at all. But when the opportunity came along to return to Pittsburgh, I couldn’t say no. Because, truthfully, I couldn’t find a better place for a fresh start. Something I desperately needed.
I also needed to return to the place where I originally discovered myself. Who I was. Who I was meant to be.
Despite pushing all of that aside.
At the time I thought I had the right reason to do that. It turned out I was mistaken. All I did was delay the inevitable. My decisions made Dahlia and I suffer through years of pain and anguish when I hadn’t meant it to be like that.
When I thought I was doing the right thing.
That I was being a good man. A good father. Even a good husband.
That was what I desperately wanted. To be good. And, at the time, I did it the only way I knew how…
I punched in the code at the entrance and as soon as the door clicked, indicating it had unlocked, I held it open and called out to Alec, who had wandered a few feet past the doors. “This way, kiddo.”
My heart hurt for my son. My heart hurt for Mazie, too.
My pain was nothing compared to theirs.
Alec turned, his face grim when he walked ahead of me and into the building. My new home. At least temporarily.
I had managed to snag a sublease on a fully furnished apartment. While it was costing me a little more money I really didn’t have to spare, it saved me from spending the spare cash I had on furnishings and all the little, but needed, stuff. Like pots and pans, utensils and even appliances.
Once I got my feet solidly underneath me again, I’d find somewhere else. Maybe a house with a yard for the kids. Possibly a place big enough for a dog. Then I’d furnish it the way I wanted. But for now, this had to work. I had no other choice.
“I don’t like it here.”
“Alec, this is just the outer vestibule. You haven’t even seen my… our place yet.”
“I already know I won’t like it,” he grumbled.
I bit back a sigh.
“And it’s not our place, Dad. We live with Mom,” he so helpfully reminded me.
“You’ll be spending time here, too. With me. So yes, it’ll be your place, too.”
Alec rolled his eyes and yanked open one of the inner doors, stomping his way into the lobby.
“Daddy?”
I glanced down at Mazie as I followed Alec and continued to hold her hand to guide her toward the elevator. “Yes, honey?”
“I don’t wanna live here. I don’t like the city.”
“You don’t know this city, Maze. Once you do, I hope you’ll love it as much as I do.”
“Cities are stinky and dirty and noisy and crowded,” my daughter went on, expressing her very strong opinions.
My baby girl would someday grow up to be a very strong, opinionated woman and I would support her every step of the way. I wanted both my kids to be true to themselves from day one. Even when they were being temperamental.
I squeezed her hand. “They’re also full of beautiful lights and fun activities, like the zoo. Plus, there are plenty of great restaurants and friendly people. We’ll make it fun, I promise.”
“Your marriage to Mom was a promise, too,” came from my, once again, super helpful son now standing in front of the elevator.
“Push the button, Alec.”
Instead of pushing it, he crossed his arms over his chest and huffed.
I didn’t muffle my sigh this time. We had a lot of work to do.
I had a lot of work to do.
“I wanna go back to Mommy’s,” Mazie said with her face turned up to me and her bottom lip pushed out.
“You will. After the weekend. Don’t you want to spend time with me?” Truthfully, I was afraid to hear that answer.
Right now, everything was still so raw. I knew it would settle eventually, but until then…
“Alec, push the button, please.”
