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Someone else might not think the battle would be worth it.
I did.
I could only hope Ronan would, too.
If he allowed it, tonight could be the start of that battle. The beginning of that war.
I was ready and had donned my armor in preparation. No matter what, I would not lie down and accept defeat easily. “I want us to sit and talk, Roe.”
He tilted his head to the side with the corners of his mouth tipped down. “And what good would that do, Harris?”
I inhaled a calming breath and whispered, “Don’t call me that.”
“It’s the name you’re using on your fuck-me profile. You messaged me on Grindr and I planned on treating you like a Grindr date.”
I was going to do my best not to argue with him. I continued as if he hadn’t baited me. “I think talking will do a lot of good. Not only for me, but for you and if you say otherwise, you’d be lying.” I visualized my spine becoming wrapped in steel. “I’m getting off my knees now and I’m going to sit in that lounge chair,” I jerked my chin toward the one to my left, “and you’re going to sit in that one and—”
“That’s not what I came up here for.”
“I know.” I slowly rose to my feet, wincing slightly at the ache in my knees. I grabbed The Macallan I had set on the ground next to me and held it out to him. “I also brought this back for you. You left it behind the other night.”
He stared at it. “You can keep it.”
“I don’t want it. It’s yours.”
His nostrils flared as he snagged it from my fingers. “You were mine, too. Remember?”
Only too well.
“Roe, please… Just… sit. I’m only asking for a few minutes of your time. That’s it. I need you to hear me out. In exchange, I’m willing to listen to whatever you have to say to me. Good or bad.”
“I already heard it all. Not only that, I heard it on repeat over and over in here.” He tapped the side of his temple.
I waved my hand at the lounger next to mine. “Sit. Please.”
He dropped his head and stared at his feet.
He was barefoot, which surprised me. He only wore a pair of well-fitting jeans and a snug Linkin Park T-shirt. It was probably tight because I remembered him wearing it in college and his chest and arms were so much bigger now.
I continued to stare at him, drinking him in. Eventually he sighed and sat, but his expression made it very clear he wasn’t happy about this change in plans. He probably had come up hoping I’d let him use my mouth for his pleasure again.
I wasn’t against it, but only if we got to talk beforehand. I wanted something from him first, if he wanted something from me.
We didn’t recline on the loungers, instead we sat along the sides, facing each other with maybe three feet separating us.
Close but still so far apart.
I hoped to close that distance. And not just physically.
“Talk, then. I don’t have all night.”
“Are you going to actually listen?” I asked. “Or discount everything I say? You’re probably doing that right now before I get a chance to speak.”
“Do you blame me?” His face twisted slightly before he quickly smoothed it out. “You broke my heart, T.”
“You don’t think mine broke, too?” My words were thick with regret and sadness. He needed to understand I hurt back then as much as he had. I still did. Unlike him, I wasn’t going to hide it.
“You fucking crushed me.”
I closed my eyes for a second because, while I had regret in my voice, his was full of pure torment. And him hurting like that hurt me, too. Since I caused that agony, I wish I could simply erase it. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I can’t take any of it back. No matter how much I wish I could. I wish I had the knowledge back then of what I do now. But then, I’m sure most people wished the same. No matter what, we can’t go back. We can only move forward. Or move on.”
“I moved on, Tate. You left me no damn choice.”
“Again, I’m sorry, Roe. It was the biggest mistake of my life. The only bright spot in all of it are my children. Without Dahlia, I wouldn’t have them.”
A sound caught at the back of his throat. His eyes became as sharp as knives. “You could’ve had children with me. I never said that was off the table. I never told you once I didn’t want kids.”
“The problem was, I didn’t know what I wanted, Roe. My head was fucked up because I’d never been in a relationship with a man before. As you know, I definitely had never been intimate with one. Sex aside, I’d never been in love with one, either. I was confused. Spooked. Unsure of my choices. One minute, I thought I knew and in the next I questioned everything. I was also pretty damn sure my family wasn’t going to handle it well... I... The truth is, all of my insecurities back then made me feel overwhelmed. Like I was drowning.”
