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I already decided that when I got home later, I’d go for a long run to help clear away the cobweb of memories clinging to me. I’d considered swimming some laps after the posted pool hours but I was afraid I’d run into Tate.
Like a zombie, I stared sightlessly at my feet and listened to the dinging as each floor passed, hoping it wouldn’t stop along the way.
I had slept like shit because the silent nights seemed to drag out even more memories. Like the memory about the night not long after winter break my freshman year. The night I’d never forget when Tate and I first said we loved each other. I still saw it crystal clear in my mind like it happened only yesterday.
We’d been lying in my dorm room bed since Dominic was now staying with his girlfriend practically every weekend. And when he did, Tate had gotten into a habit of staying with me from Friday night until Sunday night or even early Monday morning.
Even though he wanted to keep our relationship a secret, it certainly wasn’t. Him staying in my room so often pretty much guaranteed everyone in my residence hall knew. Plus, Dahlia didn’t hesitate to tell others why her and Tate broke up.
In fact, she made a point to bad mouth me as much as she could. Of course, that got back to me several times. Whether it got back to Tate, he didn’t say and I didn’t ask. I figured it was better to try to be the better person and ignore it. In exchange, I didn’t say a bad word about her. Not once.
Tate and I had both been in the wrong for starting a relationship—even if it had only been sexual “exploration”—before Dahlia and Tate’s ended.
I didn’t blame her for being angry. I would be the same. But I figured she’d eventually have to let go and move on. I only hoped it would be sooner than later before it caused any major issues.
That particular night, when Tate weaved his fingers through mine under the covers and whispered, “Roe?” I hmm’d sleepily.
I was spent, satisfied and feeling lazy after what we’d just done…
Which was each other.
“I think…” His words drifted away. When he spoke again, he still sounded tentative and his fingers twitched within mine. “I think I’m in love with you.”
My eyes sprung open at the tumble of words and I turned my head on the pillow to stare into the endless depths of his bright blue eyes. They sucked me in every damn time. “You think?” I sort of teased, even though I was thrilled at that unexpected admission.
I wanted to tell him it was cute the way he said it, but clearly he was still unsure about everything in his life right now. Especially about being open with both his sexuality and our relationship. I hadn’t pushed him but was trying my best to be patient.
I studied his profile since he wasn’t looking at me, but had turned to stare up at the ceiling instead. When he finally turned his face back toward mine, we locked gazes.
“No, I don’t think, I know.” He inhaled deeply and on his exhale, stated, “I’m in love with you.”
His words warmed me from head to toe and made my heart expand in my chest. The fact that he stared me right in the eyes when he said them the second time with confidence…
It was what I’d been hoping for. Waiting for.
That time was finally here.
It was now.
Tate loved me.
And not in the way friends did. It was way beyond that.
I grinned. “About time you caught up.”
His eyebrows rose and his eyes widened a bit, showing off those breathtaking blue orbs. “Wait… You love me?”
Why did he sound so surprised? I might not have said the actual words before but I certainly didn’t hide how I felt about him when we were alone. And actions were so much more “real” than words.
Words could be empty and meaningless.
I cupped his jaw and swept my thumb over his bottom lip. The man had some skills with his mouth, but this moment was far from about sex.
I confessed, “For a while now. I’m not sure of the exact moment when I fell in love with you but I realized I was already in deep that day we took the spin class and then spent two hours talking under that tree. That was when I really knew and there was no question.”
“That was like… toward the beginning.” His forehead scrunched up and he lifted his head slightly. “You didn’t say anything.”
I shot him a look and jerked my shoulders slightly.
He read that unspoken message, nodded and then settled his head back on the pillow with our faces only a few inches apart. “You didn’t think I’d handle it well.”
