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ChapterSeven
Sera
The flight home seemed like it was a thousand hours long. The reality of carrying a winter coat onto the plane, my butt covered in yoga pants, already had the effect of making the memories of time in Mexico recede.
Just that morning I had woken up next to Cash, his big warm body snuggled up against mine. His fingers had trailed a path down my arm and he had smiled at me. It was a smile that made my heart flutter. At that moment, I had almost suggested we see each other again in Nashville. I had almost told him that I didn’t want it to end.
But I had bit my tongue and let him distract me with his kisses, his fingers, his cock.
I was glad I’d asked him to stay in the bed with me because there had been something liberating about opening my eyes and seeing another man’s head on the pillow beside me. He had replaced the ghost of John.
Each mile we had gotten closer to home though I had felt less and less connected to Cash. I could feel the pull of my real life, ripping me away from him and the abandonment of sharing easy intimacy with him in Mexico.
Now we were off the flight and I wasn’t sure what the hell to do or say.
We waited silently for our bags, then Cash retrieved them as they came spitting out onto the belt.
“Let me give you a ride home,” Cash offered, wheeling both our suitcases away from the baggage claim belt.
“Thanks, but I have a ride. Helena is picking me up and she’s always early. She already texted me that she’s here.”
Cash nodded. “I can help you with your bag at least.”
“That’s okay.” I didn't want Helena to see him. I didn’t want to say that out loud though because it sounded ruder than I wanted it to. But he caught on.
Understanding flashed across his face. “Got it. This is a secret. Right.”
My chest tightened. “Cash, I don’t know how to say thank you for this. You gave me an amazing gift, and I don’t mean just the chance to get away and relax on the beach.”
He started to say something but I held my hand up. “Let me get this out, please. I want you to understand how much you did for me. You helped me move forward. You made me feel both safe and sexy, and I don’t even know how you managed that, but you did.” Oh God, tears were suddenly threatening. I blinked, hard. “So… thank you.” I wanted to add at least a thousand things but I wasn’t sure how to make any sense of my jumbled and chaotic feelings so I just stared at him, willing him to understand.
“I had an amazing time with you, Sera. You’re an incredible woman.” His backpack slipped off his shoulder and he raised it again, never breaking eye contact with me. “I’m going to Louisiana for a month but can I see you when I get back? I know we agreed not to, but I want to see you again. I enjoy being with you.”
I wanted to say yes.
The word was on my lips, begging to burst free.
I wanted to say yes desperately.
But I knew I couldn’t.
Because of my precarious financial situation, my exhausting schedule, his age, his friendship with Miles, my kids… but mostly because I couldn’t afford to get hurt. That I didn’t have the time or emotional capacity to have my heart broken again, not when my entire life was consumed by responsibility. If I got invested, if I fell in love with him, and he didn’t return those feelings, or it ended badly, I wasn’t sure how I would recover.
If I opened my mouth and started to explain any of that, it would either take all day, or I would be easily swayed with some dirty talk. I didn’t even know what he meant specifically. If he was talking purely sex or something more. I just knew I couldn’t handle any of it.
So I shook my head, a desperate, hard shake. “No. I can’t. I just can’t.”
I reached up and drew my hand down his cheek briefly before giving him the lightest, briefest kiss. My lips and fingers were trembling and a tear slid down each cheek, embarrassing me. I closed my eyes for a second, afraid to look at him.
Then I said, “Bye, Cash,” and got the hell out of there before I had a complete meltdown.
From behind me I heard, “Bye, Serafima.”
I grabbed my chest, pausing just briefly, my eyes drifting shut. Hearing him use my full name was like a kick to the teeth.
Then I came to my senses and started fast walking again, swiping at my phone to call Helena and find out where she was.
Cash
“What areyou getting me for graduation?” my sister, Faith, asked me as we sat on my parents’ front porch in Louisiana.
I put my boots up on the railing and crossed my ankles, swiping through my phone and looking for something, anything, to distract me from the fact that I hadn’t talked to Sera in a month. “A card that says congrats.”
“You better be joking. I was thinking a car.”
I started laughing. “You ain’t getting a car from me. I’m your brother, not your sugar daddy.”
“Sugar daddy. Hmm. Maybe I need one of those. You should introduce me to some of your friends.”
I dropped my phone in my lap in alarm. I gave her a stern look. “Watch it, little girl. I was joking. Forget I even said the phrase. I don’t want to hear anything about any sugar daddies in relation to my baby sister.”
Faith was grinning at me. “You’re so easy to get worked up. Trust me, I don’t want a sugar daddy. I can’t stand the idea of having to smile and do what someone tells me too. There are easier ways to make money than that.”
Faith, as the youngest, had definitely benefited from my parents’ general parenting fatigue. She was a bit of a wild child. Pretty and impulsive. But confident as hell, and I loved that about her.
“Honestly, you’d be terrible at it. Thank God. You’re about to have a college degree. Go out and use the damn thing. That’s how you make money.” Faith was graduating in May from my alma mater. She was at my parents’ for the weekend since I was visiting them.
“There are no jobs around here.” She gestured to the dense foliage surrounding my parents' isolated home. “Unless gator wrangler is my ambition.”
“So look for a job in Baton Rouge.”
