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“That’s what we’re going to have,” Cash said. “That’s what we do have. Come here.” He pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head. “Marry me, Sera.”
I froze in his embrace. “What? Why?” My heart started to race. I knew what he was going to say. And I knew what I wanted him to say. I just knew they weren’t the same thing.
“What do you mean, why? Because we’re building a family together.”
Yep. Not what I wanted to hear. I appreciated the man he was. How he had stepped up and taken on an enormous amount of responsibility. But the answer I wanted to hear was because he loved me.
Maybe that wasn’t fair. How much did I think I was entitled to? He was giving me so much, and sacrificing so much. Asking for love too was probably selfish.
“Cash, I don’t think we need to rush marriage. That’s a big deal,” I said, into the cotton of his T-shirt.
He pulled back and studied me. “Having a baby isn’t a big deal? Moving in together isn’t a big deal?”
“It’s just…” Marriage was for love. “It’s a huge commitment.”
God, why was I choking on all my words and emotions? I was trying to explain myself but nothing seemed to be coming out.
Cash stared down at me. He wasn’t saying anything either.
We were standing in the garage with movers in our house, my kids, his sister… and we were staring at each other, neither able to speak.
“You need an out?” he asked.
I shook my head.
Silence again. Oh my God, what were we doing? My palms started to sweat.
“Even if we don’t get married, I want you to take my name,” he said. His nostrils were flaring a little.
He was either angry or hurt or both.
The demand confused me. “Why would I have your last name if we’re not married?”
“Because I don’t like lying next to a woman carrying my baby who has another man’s name.”
Alpha alert. I knew he was serious. Yet I was still a little shocked. I could see where he was coming from, but it wasn’t practical, nor did it make sense. Why would I be Sera Young if I wasn’t even sure we were ready to get married?
Becoming Sera Young was something I wanted to do the day I could stand there, hold his hands, stare up into Cash’s eyes and give myself fully and totally to him knowing that he loved me because I was me. Not because I was the mother of his child.
But I was scared to tell him that. Scared to be that vulnerable.
“I don’t know what to say,” I said instead. “The baby will have your last name.”
He knew that I wasn’t secretly harboring deep love for John, so I wasn’t sure why it mattered so much.
The garage door from the mudroom opened. It was Faith.
“Sorry to interrupt your little love fest. The movers need to know where to put the queen bed.”
“It goes in Ava’s room.” My old bed I had shared with John. Ava had only had a twin in our house, so it had made sense to me to bring my bed and put it in her new room.
“You brought your bed?” Cash said, looking appalled.
“Yes. I didn’t want to just throw it away.” Or spend his money recklessly. Or spend his money at all. It made me uncomfortable. Like I was asking for an allowance.
The look he gave me was inscrutable.
“I’m coming in, Faith.” I reached out and touched Cash’s chest. “We can talk later.”
He just nodded and went the opposite direction, toward the driveway.
I internally groaned and shook my head as I headed into the house.
Cash
I’d done it again.Only instead of casually suggesting we get married in the kitchen in the presence of Toni and Miles, this time I had demanded we get married while standing in the garage.
That was fucking idiotic.
But the truth was, I could have planned the most elaborate and romantic proposal ever and her answer would have been the same. Sera had brushed me off. A big ring and a bunch of roses weren’t going to change that. I knew her.
She didn’t want to get married.
I didn’t know why. I just knew she didn’t want to and that really sucked.
Sometimes I just wanted to tell her how I felt, that I loved her, but my big fear was that if I came on too strong with Sera, she’d bolt. I needed to be patient. Stop asking for more than she could give just because I wanted it.
The problem was, for one of the few times in my life, I was fucking sick of being patient.
I wanted Sera. All of her. I wanted my ring on her finger and my name on her driver’s license.
By the time we went to bed that night we hadn’t spoken in hours and the tension was thick between us. We were both tired, buried under boxes, and worried about the kids handling the transition. Marigold was currently crashing in Faith’s room, too scared to be in her own. We had a full house and a full life of responsibilities and decisions and in my mind, we didn’t even have a true commitment.
Sera crawled into bed wearing my sweatpants again. She had stolen them over the weekend and didn’t seem inclined to give them back.
“I don’t want you wearing sweatpants in bed every night,” I said.
