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Chapter 4
There was no way to coordinate leaving without talking to each other, but we used as few words as possible. After breakfast, we got on the road. I couldn’t deal with another day of just listening to the noise of the truck, so I told her she could pick something to put on.
It turned out to be a podcast about crimes in New England. Of course.
We lumbered down the highway as a narrator told us details of some grisly murders. I didn’t know how she could listen to this stuff all the time and not be constantly afraid she was going to be killed.
We stopped to get gas and then at a diner for lunch.
The hours seemed to crawl by, and the road started looking the same, mile after mile.
Natalie was tense in the passenger seat, and it was annoying me.
“I’m sorry,” she said, an hour before we were going to stop for the night.
“Sorry for what? I’m going to need you to be specific.” I paused the podcast.
“I’m sorry for what happened in middle school. I’m sorry I stopped being your friend. I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I regret it every day. I regret what happened every day,” she said.
She was crying and it made me want to cry.
“You really hurt me. You have no idea how much you hurt me.” The road blurred as I swiped at the tears in my eyes.
There was an exit up ahead, and I switched lanes so I could take it. I couldn’t do this with her while I was trying to keep the damn truck on the road. I also needed to pee anyway.
I found a fast-food restaurant and pulled into the parking lot and parked.
“I’m so sorry,” Natalie kept saying. “There’s no excuse. I guess. I don’t know. I wanted to hang out with the popular people. Doesn’t everyone? I just…I wish I could go back and fix it. But I was young and I wasn’t thinking of the consequences.”
I understood all that. I knew she was young, but I was young too. And she’d hurt me so deeply.
“I accept that you’re sorry. That’s nice to hear after all this time. Was it worth it?” I asked.
Once she’d stopped hanging out with me, she’d gotten invited to the parties with the older kids. The kinds of parties my brother got to go to. For some reason, being his sister had not conferred his popularity onto me. It probably had something to do with the fact that he didn’t want his dorky little sister tagging along with him. So I’d done my own thing, and I’d been fine, because I’d had a best friend. And then that best friend had decided to be someone else’s friend.
“At the time, I would have said yes. Now? No. I regret all those years that we didn’t hang out. That you hated me,” she said, looking out the window at the parking lot.
“I never hated you,” I whispered. “Even with everything, I never hated you. I just wanted you to come back and for us to go back to the way we were. Now I know that’s not possible, but at least we can try to get along for the rest of this trip, okay?”
It wasn’t forgiveness, but it was a start to repairing what she’d broken.
“That’s fair,” she said. “I just want things to be better between us.”
I wanted that too.
“Then let’s go get some slushies for the road,” I said.
* * *
Things were better that night when we stopped at the next hotel. As expected, there was only one room, but this time, there was only one bed.
“This one is on Gretchen,” I said, as we both stared at the king-sized bed.
I could go down to the desk and beg for another room, but then I’d have to pay for it and my bank account was not going to let that happen. I was barely affording road snacks and gas. Gretchen, of course, had to book some of the fanciest hotels.
“We passed a motel. We could go there,” Natalie said.
“No, that doesn’t make any sense. You can just take the couch.” I gave her a smug smile.
