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I finished my wine and Natalie finished hers.
“You comfortable?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I said. Why was she asking?
“Good,” she said.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
She nodded her head in a jerky way. She didn’t seem okay, but I wasn’t going to dig further. The wine had relaxed me, and I was also still trying to keep my distance from her. Repairing things didn’t mean being her instant BFF again.
Paige sent me a picture of her cat, Potato, and Esme’s dog, Stormy, cuddling together. Those animals were best friends forever.
“Isn’t that cute?” I said, showing Natalie.
“Aww, how sweet. Are they yours?” She leaned so close that I could smell the scent of the hotel conditioner on her hair. I’d brought my own stuff, but I guess hers was all packed.
Natalie looked at me expectantly and I realized she’d asked a question.
“Oh, no. That’s Paige’s cat and Esme’s dog. They moved in together,” I said.
Her eyes went wide.
“Didn’t they just start dating? That was fast.”
That was what everyone said, but Paige and Esme were adults, and they were happy. Who was I to judge?
“They’re perfect together,” I said.
“That’s beautiful. That they were around each other for so many years but didn’t see the other one like that until now,” she said.
Her face was still too close.
“Yeah,” I said, my voice too loud.
I cleared my throat and leaned away from Natalie. The smell of her clean skin was getting to me, unlocking too many memories to count. Even though she’d used the hotel soap, underneath was her unique Natalie smell that I would know anywhere.
“Are you tired?” I asked, even though she’d asked me just a few minutes ago.
“Uh yeah, sure,” she said, but I didn’t think that was confirmation.
We’d both been sitting on the bed on top of the covers, so we got off to turn down the bed. There was something so intimate about getting under the covers with her.
She’d slid all the way over to the opposite side, so far that I was afraid she was going to roll right off. There was an ocean of space between us.
I scooted further over on my side, trying to give her space so she didn’t have to contort herself not to touch me.
“I’m going to brush my teeth,” she announced and then got out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom.
Things were going to be a lot easier when we were sleeping. Being awake and sharing a bed was a lot harder. It was just one night. I could handle that.
* * *
Natalie came back from the bathroom and she still wouldn’t get closer to me on the bed, so I didn’t say anything. We both stayed up for a long time trying to avoid touching each other and staring at the TV. I barely moved so I didn’t annoy her or remind her that we were in the same bed. It was easier just to stay still.
“Goodnight,” she said abruptly.
“Goodnight,” I said, and she turned off the TV. We both turned off the lamps and I lay on my back in the dark. Natalie curled on her side, her back to me.
I stared up at the ceiling and begged for sleep to come to me like it usually did so easily.
Not so easy tonight, I guess.
No matter what I did, it wasn’t happening. Every time Natalie twitched, or breathed, or shifted, I could feel it. There might be space between us, but I could feel the warmth of her body under the covers. She’d always run hot.
I wanted to toss and turn, but I didn’t want to wake her up, so I was stuck. Waiting for my body to do its thing.
I waited a long, long time.
