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She shrugged. “That’s what I get for trying to date outside of Castleton, but it’s nearly impossible to date someone from here, because of all the things I know. I can’t date someone who’s told me all their deepest, darkest secrets under the influence of too many tequila shots.”
I wiped my sticky hands on the grass. “No, I totally get that,” I said.
My stomach twisted in an uncomfortable way as I thought, but what about me?
I’d never gotten drunk and done any of those things. So, was this Esme’s way of letting me down gently?
This had been a mistake. I’d miscalculated and my plan was blowing up in front of my face. She didn’t want me.
My thoughts fired off in rapid succession.
Esme didn’t want me.
Then she said, “but I’m thinking maybe I should change my type. You can do that, right? Change my type to kind people who listen to me bitch about my job and who give me the bigger half of an onion ring.”
She stood up and dusted off her hands, as if she hadn’t said much of anything.
I sat there looking up at her, wondering if she had actually said what I thought she’d said.
“Let’s go check on our stuff,” she said casually, but there was a hint of a smile on her lips.
“Yeah, sure,” I said, and scrambled to get to my unsteady feet. I followed after her as we walked back down the ramp to the sand and I replayed her words in my mind.
I was completely and utterly confused.
* * *
Esme pulledout her phone when we got back to our stuff and then flipped over onto her stomach.
“Do you mind if I go swim? I feel weird if I come here and don’t do a few laps.” I also needed to figure out where the hell to go from here.
“Sure, go ahead. I’ll just read while you’re gone. Just… don’t get eaten by a shark,” she said.
I laughed. “I think I’ll be okay.”
Sharks had been spotted at other beaches in Maine, but not recently and not at this one. I glanced back once at her as I made my way down to the water and dove in. She’d pulled a paperback out of her bag and was flipping through it.
It took me a lot less time to get in the water than when I’d had Esme with me. I dove right in. It was nice to focus just on my body and have no other thoughts as I adjusted to the cold and started moving my arms and legs.
There was a surprising amount of people in swimming, so I went out where it was deeper so I didn’t have anyone in my path as I dipped my arms in and out of the water and kicked my legs and tried to breath as I got hit in the face by waves.
Once I got into the rhythm, my brain started thinking again. Esme had flirted with me. There was no way I was reading too much into what she’d said. She had specifically been talking about me. So, now I knew she was potentially open, and I could make my next move. It was honestly the best thing I could have hoped for.
I hadn’t thought through what might have happened if she outright rejected me. Maybe I should have. I’d tried to go in with the confidence that I was going to succeed. My mom’s self-help books had clearly left an impression on me when she’d read them to me while I was growing up.
Now that I had some sort of positive sign, I could go forward. It was time to go all in.
