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“Oh, morning, darling,” Lady Igaed murmured to the person. “You’re up.”
By the intimate tone of her voice, I assumed the newcomer was her husband.
“Up and looking for you,” he said, and I realized it was not Lord Bherlon. The voice belonged to another man, though I didn’t know to whom exactly.
His words were followed by the sound of a kiss and a giggle from the lady. Another kiss, then the rustle of clothes and the creak of her chair.
Did they think that because I was blindfolded, I wouldn’t know what they were up to? Or did they simply not care?
“You have to go, honey. I’m having a conversation with Lady Amira. Can’t you see?”
“Morning, Lady Amira.” The man changed his tone to a slightly more formal one. “Pardon me for interrupting.”
I nodded in his direction, unsure what to say. Neither of them had bothered to introduce us. I didn’t know his name.
His footsteps disappeared in the distance, announcing his departure.
“He’s one of the personal guards of the High Lord,” Lady Igaed explained, though I hadn’t asked for an explanation. “He’s also one of my lovers.”
“And Lord Bherlon…”
“Knows, of course,” she finished for me. “But he doesn’t care. Lord Bherlon has a number of courtiers, male and female, to keep him company in his nest, too. Like I said, a highborn marriage is a political union, first and foremost. Other than my husband’s scheduled visits to my nest, hoping to conceive an heir one day, I’m free to decide whom to reward with my attentions. My heart remains mine.” She must have leaned my way because her voice sounded closer. “If you’re a smart woman, Lady Amira, never give your heart to anyone at all. Without land, name, or a title, your heart is your most precious possession—your only possession. Keep it.” She leaned back again, her voice lifting. “It’s the best way to avoid a heartbreak. Besides, one man can never give a woman everything she desires, even if he tries. So, why settle for just one?”
I had no idea how to reply to that question. Did she even expect an answer?
Probably not, because she kept talking, “Anyway, when Kyllen tires of you—”
“He won’t.” I stopped her, unwilling to hear the end of that sentence. “He promised me—”
She scoffed. “Fae don’t make promises if they can help it, my dear. Sometimes, it may sound like we do, but words can be easily twisted.”
“Kyllen didn’t twist anything,” I argued. “He promised loud and clear. He made a vow.” For that was how his promise had sounded to me back when Kyllen had made it in that hotel room in London—like a vow.
“What exactly did he promise?” she enquired casually. In fact, it appeared she made a great effort to sound uninterested.
I had no idea how Lady Igaed could benefit from knowing the exact words of the promise that Kyllen had made to me or whether that could harm him, but his warning about not trusting anyone rose in my mind again.
“I think it’s best if you ask him,” I said firmly. “It’s his promise, after all. It’s up to him to disclose it.”
“Or not,” I added in my head.
When I finally made it back to my room, the words of Lady Igaed kept haunting me.
I flipped the new lock closed that Kyllen had installed on my door before he left. Then I paced the room, lost in thought.
It had been so easy to bask in Kyllen’s affections while he held me in his arms. So easy to keep my eyes closed—literally and figuratively—to the world around me and to ignore the court life and the people who surrounded me.
Not paying attention would cost me, though, wouldn’t it? This was supposed to be my new home. I had to figure out where I fit into the court’s life.
But how exactly did I want to fit in? Where would my ideal place be?
I wasn’t entirely sure on that, either.
I wanted to be with Kyllen, but was it realistic? We hadn’t spoken about marriage. I’d never even thought about it until the conversation with Lady Igaed. The marriage itself didn’t matter to me. As long as Kyllen and I were together, I didn’t care in what capacity it happened.
But it mattered to others. In Lorsan, status determined everything.
If I couldn’t be Kyllen’s bonded mate or his wife, how would I feel if he decided to get married one day? The idea of him being intimate with someone else didn’t sit well with me. Even if those were just “scheduled visits” for the purpose of procreation between him and his future wife, I couldn’t fathom sharing him with anyone else.
On the other hand, I understood I had no right to demand anything from him. He didn’t make any promises to me beyond taking care of me. And maybe that should be enough. But it wasn’t. I wanted more. I wished to have him in my nest every night, just the two of us.
What was I to him, though?
Kyllen loved having fun and excitement. He enjoyed new things. He found me in another world and decided to keep me as his own—like a kid would do with a shiny new toy.
Possessive as he was, he wouldn’t let others touch his favorite plaything. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t have more lovers to play with himself. Nothing stopped him from showering his affection on as many people as he liked. Especially since it was the norm at his brother’s court.
Maybe Lady Igaed was right when she advised me not to give my heart to anyone. However, I feared her advice might’ve come a little too late.
