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All surrounding a crib that I can just tell will outlast all of us but live on through the lives and hearts of our children’s children. And their children after that.
“It’s perfect, dad… Thank you,” Chloe tells him, and we both feel his shaking grip on us tighten.
“No. You’re perfect, Chloe… Son… little Zac. All of you. Just perfect.”
FIVE YEARS LATER
Chloe
“Mommy. Mommy! Look at Daddy and me!”
I am looking, Zac, how could I not look at the two most handsome men on the planet?
Xander waves to me, making sure I’m okay from where he is, not too far out on the lake. But far enough that Zac has to yell, scaring away all the fish they’re trying to catch us for dinner.
I would be out there too, we all would if we could be.
But five of us out on that tiny boat?
The boat Xander and his dad built together. The same little boat Xander and I went out on to scatter his ashes into the lake. It was his favorite place for the past few years.
Xander promised him we’d never get sad. Never cry over Kenneth finally leaving us forever. But he’s in that boat every chance he gets.
I understand.
Somebody can’t leave you forever if you think about them every day.
Little Kenny and Kendra are fast asleep next to me. Kendra’s baby doll is asleep in the crib Grandpa Kenneth made, which is still as strong as ever.
We are ready for our next little one, who we decided can surprise us when they finally decide to come out of mommy’s tummy.
I’ve done this a few times now, and I plan on doing it again, so having a baby has become something to celebrate for me.
Not something to worry about.
Xander on the other hand? I have to remind him of that sometimes.
The sound of water splashing and little Zac screaming out makes me look up.
My heart in my throat.
But the sound of his dad’s laughter, then the sight of the rod bending so much it almost touches the water, makes me see it’s just my son catching his first fish with his dad.
He caught my heart the second he was conceived, and every day since then, all of them have. And none more so than Xander himself.
Daddy to the kids, but a rock for me. My hero, best friend, and lover.
Oh my God, what a lover… but that part of the story’s already been told.
How innocent we were back then. How boring even.
Our time between the sheets and above them is nothing as plain as it was back then.
Five years… my God, it feels like five minutes some days.
But the feeling’s still the same, even better. It’s like my first time every time with Xander.
Every kiss, every touch.
But better somehow, because I know we get to do it not once, but over and over. Anytime we feel like it.
And apart from the little monsters who sometimes wanna cry instead, Xander and I have nothing to do all day except love each other and raise our kids the best we know how. With Xander’s sister running Condor we have all the time in the world.
But today looks like it's little Zac’s turn to start providing for us.
For a few mouthfuls at least.
I gasp, laugh, and even have a little tear in the corner of my eye as I watch the pair of them land that poor fish.
The sound of Zac and Xander’s excitement carries across the lake, and I can hear them as the fish flops and flaps on the little wooden deck.
“What do we do now?” Zac squeals, excited but never really having thought what he’d have to do if he actually caught a fish.
Xander looks over at me, knowing I’ll be watching them every second I can.
He shrugs, and I can sense what he’s thinking. Feel how our son must be feeling.
“Well… I guess we can put it back in the water, or we can…,” Xander starts to say, but the fish seems to have other plans.
In a second, it’s flipped itself out of the boat, back into the water, and swims away. The silver trail of its wake is like a wire under the water.
“Whoa! Dad, did you see that!?” Zac shrieks, his voice cracking before he laughs, making me laugh too.
Making me so proud. Of both my men, out on the lake doing what men do best, I guess.
But the weather gods have been in league with the fish gods, and within a few minutes I’m scooping up the twins and what I can, heading for the cover of the big old pepper tree behind us.
Xander and Zac laugh as they try to row faster to get ashore before the real weather kicks in.
“I guess August is early,” Xander says, heaving the boat up onto the shore with one arm while holding Zac in the other.
