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I grab my shadow bottle off the shelf. It’s clear glass, with a stopper at the top, a stopper that seems too weak and insignificant to keep what’s inside the bottle—a swirling dark storm made from the very essence of who I am.
I get on my knees and place the Book of Runes in front of me. The book opens by itself and flips to the page of the Shadow Spells, letting me in.
I let out an exhale of relief.
I unbutton my shirt.
Take the knife.
“Luojan nimessa kutsun varjominan,” I say quietly under my breath, closing my eyes. I don’t read the words, the book already put the words inside me. “Kutsun varjominan jonka estan tassa maailmassa ja kaikiaa maailmoissa.”
I take in a deep breath, steeling myself for what is never not gruesome and painful as fuck. It’s enough that I hesitate, having second thoughts if I want to go through with this.
But the book is in me now, and it wants to finish what I have asked it to do.
It takes control of my hand and plunges the knife into my heart.
I roar with pain, the knife stabbing deep. I can feel my heart beating with the blade it in, a stubborn son of a bitch that won’t die, definitely not by my hand.
Blood spills from the wound and I grab the bowl. It fills, splashing onto my shirt, and I put it back onto the altar.
“Minun verestani tulee sinun vertasi,” I grind out through the pain. “Sinun varjosi minun kontrollini.”
I heal fast. The cut is closing, blood already drying up.
With another bellow that shakes the room, I rip the knife out of my heart.
Breathing hard, I put the bloody bowl on the altar, the knife beside it, then take the candle and dip the wick in the blood. When I pull it out, the candle is lit, a bloody red flame. The altar starts to change from purple to yellow.
With great care, I pick up the bottle. The shadow inside swirls faster and faster, as if hurling itself against the glass, trying to break free.
“Olet vapaa, mutta olet minna,” I say with the greatest reverence, popping the top off while blowing the candle out at the same.
The shadow from the bottle escapes. It mixes with the smoke from the candle, creating a cloud that dances in front of me. I close my eyes and inhale, deep and long, sucking in the shadow smoke until it fills my lungs, until it fills every crevice in every cell, and I can feel my own blood imprinting on it.
Then I twist around so I am facing the rest of the room and I exhale.
The smoke flows out of my chest like a black serpent, swirling around the room until it finally clears and, when it does, it reveals another man in the room.
Another God.
Naked, he is seven feet tall, all muscle, no fat. Dark brows over pewter eyes, long black hair flowing over his shoulders.
A snarl on the lips.
Silver lines etched over smooth brown skin.
I’m staring at myself.
Chapter 11
Hanna
“The Oubliette”
Pain.
All I feel is pain, completely taking over my body, filling me from head to toe. The kind of pain that makes you break into pieces on the inside, the shards cutting fast and deep as they go.
But it’s not a physical pain. My body does hurt. My side is sore, probably bruised, from how I fell down the oubliette. My stomach is gnawing at itself, having not been fed in days, and my mouth is so dry that I can’t even swallow.
Instead it’s the pain in my heart, this heavy, aching feeling in my chest that has me gasping for breath, wishing I could reach in through my ribs and quell the bleeding.
I open my eyes, my face pressed against the old, musty hay that lies on the floor of the oubliette, and see only darkness. I don’t know how long I’ve been down here in this deep hole in the ground. It seems like the moment Death pushed me over the edge I’ve been lost in nightmares. Like my body finally gave up and decided to rest, perhaps for infinity. Maybe that’s the point of a place like this. It’s not so that others forget you, it’s so that you forget yourself.
I wish I could. I’m fully awake now, and the pain is so strong that I want to disappear into my dreams again, even though those brought me agony as well. In my dream I was with my father, flying on Alku above the Star Swamp. The two of us were making a run for the portal, to escape from Tuonela for good. We were almost there…and suddenly Louhi was below us. She waved my selenite knife at me, mocking me, taunting me, then threw it up where it speared the unicorn in the throat. Alku went down and my father and I were hanging onto each other, falling toward the swamp of darkness and stars that opened wider and wider, a mouth with teeth made of bones.
