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“Love you too.”
That was our conversation? Things are worse than I thought. That has to be the shortest conversation we've ever had. There is nothing more that I want right now than to be at home with my Sweetness and fixing whatever is wrong. But what if it is all me? The thoughts of our conversation a few years ago repeats in my head.
“Will we always fall sleep in each other's arms? Will we want to? What if we change into a person the other can't stand? What if one day we aren't attracted to one another anymore? What if we fall out of love and we end up just going through the motions unhappy?”
I wonder if Emily remembers asking me that. We don't cuddle while we sleep anymore. Could that be from when I'm gone sometimes, and she sleeps alone, so now she doesn't want to lay in my arms? Or does she not want that anymore? If I'm honest, it's because I've been distant with her, and she hasn't reached out because of it. Emily loves and wants to be touched yet nothing has been outright said about my lack of affections. She has told me that she wants us out of this rut and for me to be there for her. She should always feel like I love and want her, and I'm simply not doing my part.
Why?
That damn question is bugging the hell out of me. It's not like I'm not attracted to her anymore because I am. She's beautiful like always. That leads me to her last question from so many nights ago about falling out of love and going through the motions. The latter part? That's definitely true. We have been going through our usual routine and based on what Emily said last night, she isn't happy about it. I wouldn't be either.
I haven't fallen out of love with her. No way in hell has that happened. She means too much for that to happen. Maybe I've lost touch with what matters. Either way, when I get home, she's going to know how much I love her, just as I always have. It's late, but I want to hear her voice, so I call her back.
A sexy, sleepy voice answers on the fifth ring. “Jake? Everything okay?”
“Yeah, Sweetness. I've just missed you.”
“Oh yeah?”
Chuckling, I say, “Most definitely. Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“I know you aren't happy with how things have been lately and that's going to change, I promise. My question is what else are you unhappy with?”
She sighs and for a moment, I worry that there is so much more that I've missed. “Jake, it's one in the morning. This is what you want to talk about?”
“Yes,” I answer. Without a doubt, I need to know right this second what I need to change when I get home.
“Alright.” Sweetness pauses as if collecting her thoughts. “You're not really involved with Drake anymore. I get that he goes out with friends and stuff sometimes, but I'm usually taking him everywhere between the two of us. When was the last time that you had a decent conversation with him?”
“Keep going.” I avoid her question.
“Exactly. You aren't gone every single night so you have no excuse to not go to at least one of his games and you haven't at all this year. He wants you around, Jake. I know that you can't all the time because of hockey, but damn. You have a family too. It's like nothing but hockey exists for you anymore. Are you not happy with us?”
It breaks my heart that she thinks that, but I didn't expect any different. “Sweetness, no. I love you both.”
Her tone suddenly turns deadly. “That's not what I asked.”
“I know and I am happy. What I was thinking about earlier was that I've gotten swept into the world of being a professional hockey player and lost touch with being just Jake.”
“That's an understatement,” Emily mutters.
“What else?”
“Besides everything about us right now and you with Drake?”
“Everything?” I swallow hard. She's saying that nothing about us is going well right now.
“Everything,” she confirms. “Jake, I feel like your roommate or hell, even a live-in nanny, but I do not feel like I'm your fiancée.”
I sit up and lean against the headboard of the bed, running my free hand over my face. What am I supposed to say to that? Sorry? Words won't compare to actions, and that's exactly what I have to do. Act. For now, words will have to suffice.
“I'm sorry, Sweetness. We'll have lunch tomorrow then we'll all have dinner together and things will get better. Promise.”
“Okay.” Emily doesn't sound like she believes me. Her tone implies that she's only saying that to please me. Then she adds, “I love you, you know that, right?”
“Yeah,” I answer. “And I love you too. Always.”
“Then you better let me get some sleep,” she jokes.
Laughing, we hang up. I can't help but wonder how I allowed everything to get so off track.
