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32
KAYLA
“Bodiisanasshole. Did you already know that?”
“I have not had the honor of meeting his asshole version yet, but that’s mostly because his best friend, a.k.a my boyfriend, seems to be the better man for the job.” Rae’s voice is laced with amusement when she picks up the phone. “You wanna enlighten me, though?”
“I hate him.”
“I’m pretty sure you don’t.”
Tears prick the backs of my eyes and I stop, pressing my eyes shut to prevent them from escaping before I put my feet back in motion.
Of course I don’t hate him. Fucking hell, if anything has become clearer in the last week, I’m head over heels for him. When he asked me if I trusted him at the carnival, it was that final piece that I had to admit the one thing Rae already knew: I’m in love with Bodi McKay. And I thought he was in love with me too. But after the way he just treated me, I realize that’s the biggest lie I’ve ever told myself. Trent fucked me up, showing me a kind of love that was nothing but a way to control me, but Bodi? Bodi has always been nothing but caring toward me, giving me the feeling I mattered. And now, he’s erased all of that in two minutes by yelling at me like I was a stray dog he needed to get rid of.
“He’s a dick,” I blurt, unable to come up with grown-up sentences, apparently.
“What did he do?” Rae questions with a bit more worry this time.
“He kicked me out of his office, telling me I needed to get back to work.”
“Okay,” she drawls.
“Bodi doesn’t kick me out of his office, Rae. It’s what we do. I burst into his office, he scolds me for it, and we kiss and make up. Literally. And then I get back to work,” I add.
“Hold up, you’ve been having office sex with him?”
“Not today, I haven’t.” I keep stomping down the pavement, my body feeling rigid and tense. Maybe it’s a childish thing to do, running off like a drama queen, but it hurts. It hurt more than breaking up with Trent, who made me doubt love in general with his toxic behavior. But Bodi brought that back. Bodi reminded me how sweet love can be.
Until now.
The cold look in Bodi’s eyes was new and something I hadn’t seen before while it was pointed at me. It felt like he sliced through my heart with a butter knife. Dragging, painful, and definitely not a clean cut.
“Oh my God, Kayla!”
“You sound impressed.”
“I am. It sounds—hot.”
“It was,” I confess, rolling my eyes. “But not what I was calling for.”
“Right, sorry. What happened?”
I sigh, trying to figure it out myself. “I don’t know? I walked into his office, finding an excuse to steal a kiss like I do every day, but it’s like he flipped a switch. He was icy.”
“Bodi icy?” There is disbelief in my cousin’s voice, and I can’t blame her. I don’t think I’ve seen Bodi acting like an asshole to anyone. He’s sweet, loving, caring. Funny, most of the time. A little broody, but never an asshole just for the sake of it.
“Yeah, trust me, I didn’t see it coming either. But he was. He told me to leave, shouting at me. He shouted at me!” I huff, incredulous. “I’m the shouter in our relationship. Not him.”
“So did you two fight about something?”
“No. But something is different. I just know it.”
“What do you mean?”
“He used to scold me about my in-your-face-behavior in the beginning, but not like this. He treated me like his annoying little intern.”
“Well, he is your boss?”
“He’s not the same, Rae. He’s looked at me like I’m an inconvenience while last week he was telling me how I was his girl with his dick shoved inside of me.”
“Too much detail.”
“Sorry, but I’m just freaking out,” I cry.
“Because you love him.” Her tone is matter-of-fact, and I almost jump out of my skin in shock.
“Don’t say that out loud!” I pause, then run my hand through my hair. “But yeah, I do.”
As much as I don’t want to admit it, it feels good to confess my love for him to someone.
“Ah, Kayla!” Rae squeals with more excitement than I feel right now.
“There is nothing to be excited about, Rae. Not if he doesn’t want me.”
“Are you kidding me? Have you seen the way he looks at you? The boy loves you just as much.”
“Yeah, well, he has a funny way of showing it, then,” I tell her, rubbing the back of my neck. “I don’t know what happened?” I whine. “Last week it was all fine, but today he’s cold, distant. Like something changed.”
“Maybe he’s just not feeling alright? Did something happen?” Rae offers, but I shake my head, the tears now coming through without any restraint.
“The doctor had a conversation with him about his dad’s condition. He’s not well, but he said it was nothing new. He said he was fine. I know he’s worried about him, but he has been for as long as I’ve been living with him, so it’s not that.”
“Maybe there is something more going on?”
“It’s me, Rae. I know it.” My voice breaks and she stays quiet. Her pity is tangible, even though she’s 500 miles away and, for the first time, I don’t even have a snarky comment to burst this bubble of discomfort. Something is wrong; I can feel it in my gut.
Bodi is closing off to me.
“It’s not, sweety. Look, I’ve seen how he looks at you. I saw the look on his face when you gave him his birthday present. I heard how he took you to the carnival, even though he hates it.”
“So?”
“So, people don’t do that for people they hate. They do those things for someone they love.”
The lump in the back of my throat grows to the size of a golf ball, and I do my best to swallow it away as I walk into the building.
“You don’t know that, Rae. Just because I fell in love with him, even though we all fucking know I shouldn’t have, doesn’t mean he fell in love with me.”
“Why shouldn’t you have fallen in love with him?”
“Because we are not a good fit.”
