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“Well, will you look at that? I guess he’s still thinking about you.”
I sit up, snatching the thing out of her hands before I take a deep breath to stay in control of the flutter in my stomach.
“Answer it!” Julie pushes.
“Okay, okay. Hello?” The palpitations of my heart make it hard to keep my voice steady.
“Hey.” The sound of his voice is painful, but it still sounds like music to my ears. Like I’m desperate for torture.
“Hey,” I say before holding still in anticipation.
“How are you?”
My heart is dying to hear what he has to say, hoping and praying he’s going to give me the words I’ve needed from the start. But there is also a big rock of rage that’s had a permanent place inside of me ever since I walked out of his front door. I’m too stubborn to just let that go.
I roll my eyes. “That’s why you’re calling, Bodi?”
“Yes.” He sounds resolute, but it’s quickly followed by an uncertain; “No.”
A small breeze moves past my spine, causing a shiver to ripple through my core.
“I’m sorry.”
Two words. They should mean the world to me, but for some reason, they are not enough right now. I want him back. I love him. I care for him. But he betrayed my trust by treating me like an inconvenience and it’s not fixed with I’m sorry. That’s too easy.
“For what?” I question with a sharp tone when he stays quiet.
“For everything. I never wanted to hurt you. I just–I was confused.”
“You ghosted me, Bodi.”
“I know.”
“Your father died, and all I wanted to do was be there for you. To be there for my friend, but you ignored me like I was nothing.”
“I’m so sorry, baby. Let me fix it. Tell me how to fix it.” His voice breaks, and I pinch the bridge of my nose. I can feel his hurt seeping through my body, but I can’t ignore my own. I need to look out for me, because it’s clear no one else will.
“I don’t know, Bodi. A lot has happened. Weeks have gone by.”
“Please don’t tell me it’s too late.”
“I don’t know,” I screech in full honesty, my eyes welling up. “You really hurt me.”
“I know. Just give me a chance to make it right.”
“I need time.”
“I understand.” His disappointment slices through my heart. “Take all the time you need. Just don’t tell me it’s over, okay?”
The corners of my mouth lower to a pout, my lower lip quivering.
“Okay.” I nod.
“Can we talk? Can I call you?”
I think about his question while I give Julie a side glance. She’s looking at me with gooey eyes, a sadness shown in her almond-shaped face.
“You can text me.”
“Okay, baby. Thank you. I’ll text you, okay?”
I hum in agreement, not being able to say another word, and I quickly hang up the phone at the same time my first tear falls down on my lap.
“Oh, honey. Are you okay?” Julie wraps me in her arms, and I bury my nose in her shoulder.
“No,” I sob.
“It’s okay,” she soothes, running her palm up and down my back as she keeps holding me for as long as I need her to. It feels like forever, dragging the pain out of me, but it also feels liberating, as if a weight is lifted off my shoulders now that I’ve had a spark of communication from the man I love.
Julie grabs my shoulder, pulling me back so she can look me in the eyes. Her gray eyes are understanding, showing a kindness she doesn’t share often.
”Is there hope?”
I nod with full agreement of my heart. “Yeah, there is hope.”
