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“How do you feel about it?”
She put a tiny piece of pineapple in her mouth, considering my question as she chewed.
“I felt a lot when you told me. Surprised, sad, and honestly hurt.”
“Hurt?”
Meeting my gaze, she nodded. “I thought we were more to each other than that. You made an assumption that I was with whatever guy you saw me with instead of asking me.”
I scoffed. “What nineteen-year-old guy wants to approach his ex and risk getting shot down on the most epic scale ever? You looked happy. Like you’d moved on.”
“I moved on because I had to. But I was far from over you. If I’d had known…”
“You would’ve had to leave your school.” I shifted, uncomfortable as I recalled all the things I told myself as I got wasted in that Iowa City bar. “I didn’t want being with me to cost you anything.”
“They have colleges in Minnesota, Archer.”
The dam of emotions inside me broke. “I was scared, okay? I was scared you’d say no. I decided when I saw you in that moment, smiling at another man, that it was better to have never asked than to have asked and gotten rejected. I felt like it was too late. Like I’d already lost you.”
Her tone was soft when she responded. “I can understand that. And I’m not mad at you or anything. It took me some time to process it, but I’m okay now. I still want us to be friends.”
Nadia showed up with a microphone then, officially kicking off the evening with a toast. Then she requested that all the men gather in one place and the women in another. Each group was taught a native Fijian dance, and by the time we performed them for each other, almost everyone had thrown back enough drinks to fuck up the dance, but not care.
I couldn’t look away from Lauren as she swayed her hips, smiling seductively at no one in particular. When she missed a dance step, she’d laugh, the sexy, sweet sound making me ache for her.
That one split-second decision I’d made to not propose to Lauren had cost me dearly. If I had manned up, as my grandpa would have, and risked rejection by going after what I truly wanted, my whole life would have taken a different course. Lauren and I might have kids by now. We’d be vacationing in a place like this instead of being on a reality show about exes.
We ate, but I focused more on the open bar than the food. I lost count of how many beers I’d had, and I did a few more shots with the guys. When Lauren approached me, I sat up straighter, trying to look less wasted than I was.
“Hey, I’m heading up to my room,” she said. “Just wanted to say good night.”
I pushed my beer aside. “I’ll walk you up.”
“You don’t have to leave just because I am.”
I shook my head. “I don’t mind.”
When I stood, I wobbled slightly.
“Maybe I need to walk you up,” Lauren said lightly, grinning.
“I’m okay,” I mumbled.
Once I started walking, I was, anyway. It had been a long time since I’d had so much to drink. Normally I was the composed team captain, the face of my team. I led by example, and that included taking care of myself.
“I’m exhausted,” Lauren said as we rode the elevator to the second floor. “But that was fun.”
Fun? It was excruciating to be so close to her while maintaining my distance. I hadn’t seen this coming. Without even realizing what was happening, I’d fallen in love with Lauren again.
We reached her room, and in my drunken state, I knew that if we touched, I wouldn’t want to stop, and I wasn’t sleeping with Lauren when I was wasted.
“Want to get massages tomorrow?” she asked. “There’s a spa here and Mariah said we can get any treatment we want.”
“Sure.”
She took her phone out of her bag. “Can I get your phone number? That way I can text instead of waking you up knocking on your door.”
I gave her my number, and she said good night a final time and went into her room. It took me several tries, but I got the key card to open my door and I got into bed, not even undressing.
Just a few more days, and this torture would be over.
