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He stares at me in astonishment. “Doesn’t like you? He’s going to love you. How can he not? Anyone would love you. I love you.”
I’m shocked to hear him come right out and say that, even if I’ve suspected he might feel that way for a while now. “I love you, too.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really,” I say, laughing. “You know I do.”
“I sorta hoped you might.”
“After everything that’s happened, I wouldn’t have blamed you if you never wanted to see me again.”
“That won’t ever happen.”
“Still. I wouldn’t have blamed you. Instead, you wrapped your strong arms around me and Mateo and did everything you could to protect us and care for us, even when my problems were causing a tragedy for your family. So yes, I love you, Nico. I love you very much.”
He wraps his arms around me, and we hold each other for a long time. We’re interrupted by my phone chiming with a new text.
Nico releases me so I can check my phone.
“It’s my dad.” I look up at him, smiling. “That’s the first time I’ve ever said those words.”
“I’m so happy for you, babe.”
“He says he spoke with his wife and children, and while they’re as surprised as he was to hear about me, they’d love to meet me and Mateo as soon as possible. He said he’ll send me tickets for whenever I can go.”
“You should go now. This week.”
“I can’t. I have to work. I’ll ask Dee if I can go Sunday to Tuesday next week, so I only have to take one day off.”
“I wish I could cover your shifts for you so you could go sooner.”
“It’s nice of you to want to, but Sunday is soon enough.” I type in a response to my dad. I have a dad! Let me check with work about when I can take time off. I’ll get back to you later today or first thing tomorrow.
Sounds good,he replies. Looking forward to seeing you both.
Me, too! Thank you so much for being so cool about this. I know it’s got to be a shock.
It is, but that’s not your fault. I’m glad you reached out.
I realize I’m going to have to tell him about Mateo’s cancer surgery and the lingering effects so they aren’t wondering about his crooked walk, droopy face or struggles with simple tasks. And I’ll have to explain to Mateo who these people are to us.
I think about that as Nico drives me to Mateo’s school to pick him up. I bring our laundry to do at Nico’s along with some more of Mateo’s toys and clothes. I’m aware that we’re slowly but surely moving most of our belongings to Nico’s despite my desire to keep my own home and independence.
That’s so important to me, but the longer I’m with Nico, the more I see that he has no desire to take anything away from me. Rather, he wants to give me things I’ve never had before, such as safety, security, love and the kind of family I used to dream of for myself before I knew I had one of my own out there somewhere.
Everything about this relationship is different from what I had with Joaquín. My world was very small when I was with him. We saw only his friends and family, never mine. After a while, my friends stopped trying to get through to me. More than one of them told me what he was doing wasn’t healthy, but by then, I had a child and no way to support us without Joaquín. With my mother mostly out of the picture, I was well and truly trapped in a situation that more resembled a prison than a marriage.
He wouldn’t even allow me to work because he wanted me completely dependent upon him. I see that now. At the time, I was too close to see how completely he overtook my life. I kept all my focus and attention on Mateo, who was the one bright spot in an otherwise dismal existence.
I take a deep breath to fight back the anxiety that comes with reliving that time and then exhale slowly.
Nico gives my hand a squeeze. I love how he always needs to be touching me, even when he’s driving me somewhere. “Why the deep sigh?”
