Page 117 of How Much I Want


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Something about Maria seems different, but I can’t put my finger on what it is.

Sofia slides an arm around me. “Thanks for handling that.”

“No problem.”

“It’s nice to have someone else looking out for him. I’ve never really had that before, except for Gladys, but she doesn’t live with us.”

“I love looking out for both of you.”

“Our little boy is growing up,” Austin says to Maria.

“I see that,” she replies with a laugh.

“Shut up. I’m older than both of you.”

“In years, maybe,” Maria says. “In other ways, not so much.”

“Are you going to let them talk to me this way?” I ask Sofia, who’s helpless with laughter. “And quit your laughing. They’re not funny.”

“Yes, they are.”

“No, they’re not.”

“We are too,” Austin says. “Ask anyone.”

Dee comes into the room. “Ask anyone what?”

“Whether Maria and I are funny when we’re busting Nico’s balls.”

“Tell me more.” Dee rubs her hands together gleefully. “No one deserves to have his balls busted more than Nico does.”

“I’m taking my balls outside to watch the kids in the pool, so y’all can fuck right off.”

“Me, too?” Sofia asks, gazing up at me with her most innocent look.

I put my arm around her. “Not you, but we’ll discuss the matter of loyalty later.”

“That’ll be fun.”

I absolutely adore this playful side of her, and seeing it slowly emerge as she becomes more comfortable with me feels like an achievement. We spend more than an hour seated on the pool deck with our feet in the water, watching over Mateo and Everly as they chase each other around in the pool.

I laugh as Mateo dodges Everly’s attempts to dunk him. “They’re so cute.”

“I love that she sees nothing but a good friend when she looks at him.”

“I was thinking about that earlier, and I thought maybe it’s because she’s had her own health struggles.”

“Maybe. It’s hard to believe both those angels had cancer.”

“And they beat it. That’s the important part.”

“Yes, it is. I worry about it coming back, though. Jason said there’s a twenty percent chance of that.”

“That’s the worst kind of worry. My mom faces a long road of regular scans and tests to make sure her cancer hasn’t recurred.”

“It’s terrifying. Jason connected me with a social worker at the hospital who talked to me about how to manage the fear. She said to celebrate every good day and try not to think too far into the future.”

“That’s good advice.”

“I think about it anytime I feel the fear coming back.”

“You can talk to me about it whenever you feel afraid.”

She leans her head on my shoulder. “Thank you.”

“I’m here for all of it—the good, the bad, the ugly.”

“Hopefully, we’ve had all the ugly we’re going to have for a while.”

“God, I hope so.”

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