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Sounds good.
I guess I’ll go to bed since you’re being all domestic and Milo went out with some girl he knows from school. The girls are super boring these days. No one to play with.He adds frown emojis that make me laugh out loud.
Everyone went and grew up while you were gone.
I know! It’s ridiculous. I’m never going to grow up if it’s this boring.
I recall kissing Sofia earlier, easily one of the most exciting things to ever happen to me. It’s not all boring, primo. You’ll see.
I’ll take your word for it. I’d rather be single than put up with the bullshit that was happening recently.
When it’s the right one, there won’t be bullshit.
That’s what Carmen said, too. She said everything was different from the beginning with Jason.
And now she’s having a baby. So happy for her. Our sweet cousin went through hell years ago when she lost her young police officer husband on the job.
Me, too. Well, get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow?
We’ll be there.Everyone usually ends up at my parents’ house on Christmas Day. It’s one of the many traditions we all take for granted after so many years of the same routines. I can’t wait to bring Sofia and Mateo. I’ve never brought a woman to anything with my family, so it’ll be a big deal to show up with them tomorrow.
Even knowing that, I don’t care. I want her with me for the holiday—and not just because I’m concerned about her safety. Mostly, it’s because at some point over the last few months, she’s become the most important person in the world to me. Not that long ago, a realization like that would’ve had me running for my life, changing my name and living in exile to avoid anything that resembled commitment.
Now? I want to be committed to her and Mateo. I want to be wherever they are as much as I possibly can. The thought of being with anyone but her is revolting to me. There’s only her. I’ve got to bring my A game with her, to show her what life with me might be like. I just need to figure out what an A game looks like, and I need to do it soon.
SOFIA
Riding in Nico’s truck the next day, I’m still replaying the events of last night. I can’t believe I kissed him like that, but how could I not after he said what he did to me? I want to have those words tattooed onto my arm so I can see them every day and never forget them. Not that there’s any chance I’ll forget.
“I’ve got to run by my place to shower and change. Is that okay?”
“Of course. We’re along for the ride.” Mateo is in his booster seat in the back, with his tricycle strapped into the seat next to him because he refused to leave it at home. It’d been Nico’s idea to seat-belt it in next to Mateo, which delighted my little boy. “My parents have the perfect driveway for riding a trike,” he said, promising to move all the cars out so Mateo could ride.
Who is this man who makes everything so much better for both of us? I ought to be scared senseless of the way he makes me feel, but I’m like an addict wanting my next fix as soon as I can get it. He was great with Mateo, playing on the floor with him and his new toys all morning while I made us coffee and breakfast. It was the nicest Christmas morning I’ve ever had, and it was all thanks to him.
I can hear my mother’s nasty voice in my head telling me I’m doing it again. I’m getting carried away by a man who’ll treat me like shit and leave me with bigger problems than I already have when it ends. Because it always ends. That’s been her experience—and mine, much to her delight. I’ve never understood why my own mother would want my life to be a mess like hers has been. Why wouldn’t she want the best for me? That’s a question I’ve been asking for as long as I can remember. Anytime something good happened for me, she’d find a way to undercut it.
Like when I was offered a scholarship to the University of Florida, and she told me I’d never cut it there even though I got mostly A’s in high school. She overdosed for the first time three weeks before I was supposed to leave, and since she doesn’t have anyone else, I had no choice but to stay home to take care of her. I can still recall her smug smile when I told her I deferred my scholarship. She got exactly what she wanted—me under her control indefinitely.
Breaking free of her was my first act of independence. Unfortunately, I relied on Joaquín to get me out of her house, trading one bad situation for another. I didn’t see it that way at first because I thought I was in love with him and he with me, but what we had wasn’t love. I don’t even know what love is. I just know that wasn’t it, not when he thought he could control everything I said and did and every dime I spent and isolated me from the few friends I still had in the area after most of my friends went to college out of state.
I could only look on with envy as they lived the life I wanted for myself. I still dream of going to college, even though that dream is so far out of reach now as to be laughable. It’ll take the rest of my life to pay off the medical bills incurred from Mateo’s emergency surgery. Jason deferred his charges for the surgery, but there were so many other expenses. I’ve never had health insurance, and Joaquín refuses to pay for anything since I left him and took his son, so it’s all on me until I can hopefully get a court to eventually make him pay his share.
I try not to care about any of that as long as Mateo is on the road to recovery. Jason said it will take another year or two, and he may always have some deficiencies due to the location of the tumor, but he ought to live a relatively normal life if the cancer doesn’t return. So, while I live in fear of that happening, I work diligently with him on his physical and occupational therapy while hoping the nerve in his face that was impacted by the surgery will eventually recover to rid him of the sag on the right side that makes him look like a sad little clown. Jason told me that nerve healing is a very slow process, but since there’s been some improvement since the surgery, we’re hopeful it might eventually heal completely.
I wish I could afford more actual therapy for him. Since I can’t, I took what we learned from the therapists and work with him to the best of my ability. I’ve spent hours on YouTube watching videos about the best therapies for his condition. I think he’s making good progress, but it’s hard to tell. I’m no expert, just a mom who loves her kid more than anything in this world.
“Everything okay over there?”
Nico’s deep voice brings me out of the rabbit hole my thoughts have dragged me into.
“Everything is great. Thanks for playing with Mateo this morning. He loved it.”
“He’s adorable. I had a blast.”
A short time later, we drive up to a gatehouse where the guard smiles and waves us through.
“This is where you live?” I eye the gorgeous homes and lush landscaping with disbelief.
