Page 29 of How Much I Want


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When he approaches us, I step out of Nico’s arms to hug Jason.

“Merry Christmas,” he says.

“Feliz Navidad.”

“Our little friend is doing fantastically well, it seems,” Jason says as he shakes hands with Nico.

“He’s having a wonderful day.”

“I love seeing him on the trike. That’s great for his fine motor skills.”

“The therapist told me it would be.”

Carmen hugs us both. “Mateo is adorable on that bike!”

“I’m afraid he’s going to want to sleep with it.”

“We can put it right next to his bed,” Nico says.

Vincent and Vivian hug me like I’m one of the family, as do Livia, Marlene and Mr. Muñoz when they arrive a few minutes later.

“So glad you and Mateo could join us, honey,” Livia says.

“Thank you for having us.”

I love these people. I love their warmth, their generosity, their kindness and the way they make me feel like I belong with them even if we all know I don’t. Not really. That doesn’t matter to them. I have no idea where Mateo and I would be without them, which is part of the reason things with Joaquín have gotten so bad. He hates the way I’ve been taken in by them and how I consider them like family.

“They’re not your family,” he once said, practically spitting the words at me. “You’re just a charity case to them.”

I know better. I might’ve started off as a charity case, but I’ve been on the receiving end of their love and generosity for too long now not to appreciate how deeply their affection for me and Mateo runs. Without the job at Giordino’s, I would’ve had no choice but to go back to him when I lost the first job I’d had in years and would’ve soon lost my apartment, too. I’d probably be dead by now if I’d gone back to him.

Christmas Day with Nico’s family will be remembered as one of the best days of my life. Not only do they make us feel like part of their family, but they have thoughtful gifts for me and for Mateo, and they didn’t even know we were coming until last night.

I receive bath gel, a candle, a gorgeous silk scarf and a gift certificate from Nico for a massage at a local spa. “I’ll babysit,” he adds after I thank him for the thoughtful gift. He loves the watch I bought for him, hoping it would be something he’d like.

Mateo receives more toys and games, including a matching game from Jason and Carmen that Jason says will help with his occupational therapy.

I’m overwhelmed and deeply grateful as well as stuffed from the delicious prime rib dinner Elena served. I’m sent home with a massive bag of leftovers.

Mateo is exhausted and falls asleep minutes into the ride.

“This was such a wonderful day. Thank you again for inviting me. I’ve never had a Christmas like this one.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it. My family is crazy, but I love them.”

“You’re so lucky to have them.”

“I know. I didn’t always appreciate them the way I do now. It took seeing the crap some of my friends have dealt with to understand how lucky I am. And when my mom got sick, all I cared about was doing whatever it took to get her through it.”

“She seems to be doing well now.”

“She is. It’s just the fear of it coming back that I can’t handle.”

“What do the doctors say about that?”

“They don’t make predictions. But the kind of cancer she had recurs pretty frequently. Often when it does, it’s considered stage four, which is terminal.”

“What does that word mean?”

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