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He waves his hand between us. “This. The pregnancy.”
The defeat drains me to my bones. Either that or early pregnancy is as miserable as they say. I feel like I could sleep for a week straight.
“I took an at home test, so I guess, like eighty percent sure? I’ll let you know as soon as I set up an appointment with my OB, but it could be a few weeks. As for the baby, I’m keeping it. I’m sorry, but that’s not up for debate.”
The steam immediately leaves his face, and it falls as if I slapped him. “I never… I didn’t mean that. I mean, the choice is yours, of course, and I’d be willing to talk through any of it, but I will back you up and support your decision.”
“Good,” I snap, less ready than he is to give up my ire. “Because I can do this without you. Don’t ever forget that.”
Nathan swallows visibly hard and nods, and my guilt swells for chastising him. After the roller coaster of emotions today, not to mention the hormones surging through me, I’m all rage-y and out of control.
As I fight to contain the tremble in my hands, Nathan steps forward and wraps me in an impossibly tight hug. I didn’t realize until that moment how much I needed the connection. I bury my face into his warm, broad chest for the second time today and breathe deep.
“I don’t want to fight with you,” I mumble.
His arms tighten around me. “I don’t either. We’ll figure this out one way or another.”
I check my face for lingering wetness, tired of the nonstop onslaught of tears. Squaring my shoulders, I come to a decision. Time will tell if it’s the right one, but it’s what I need right now.
“I know we’re both going to do the best we can because that’s who we are as people. But before we get too far into this, I want you to know that while I think you’re going to make a great dad, I don’t want to date you.” I shrug, a little embarrassed for the way I put it all out there.
“I’m sorry?”
“You’re off the hook.” I retreat to the couch, tired of all the standing, and ignore the way flames lick my cheeks under his intense stare.
His skilled tongue swipes across pink lips and his brow furrows. “I’m not following.”
“You.” I point at him. “And me.” I point at myself. “Are not happening.” Leaning back, I cross my arms over my chest. “Unless there’s fucking. I’m open to that.”
“Are you trying to give me the ‘we’re just friends’ speech?”
“Yes!” I thrust my arms into the air. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to say.”
Nathan rolls his lips between his teeth and appears to be restraining a laugh. “Should I be feeling rejected right now because I’m not going to lie, I sort of do.”
After what feels like days in darkness, I chuckle. “It’s not you, it’s me?”
“Fuck.”
Outright laughter pours from us both. Our dark conversation transforms into a lighter one.
“I’m serious. You and I are great friends and have been for a long time. Now we’re navigating this new situation together, so why make it more complicated by throwing in a relationship on top of that? I mean, how am I supposed to be sexy for you if I gain weight on the weekly, eat whatever is put in front of me, and lose the ability to even put on clean clothes?”
“I think you’re confusing being pregnant with something else entirely. Like dementia.”
“I’m not far off. What, you don’t agree with me?”
He crosses the room and sits on the coffee table across from me. The wood creaks ominously beneath him. A bold move, seeing as that table is about as old as my mother.
“I feel like this is a trap.”
I lightly tap his arm. “It’s not.”
“Okay, so without sounding like I’m only in it for the potential sex, I think you may have a point.”
I thrust my pointer finger in his face. “Ha! Tricked you!”
He wraps my finger in his palm and tugs me to him. I don’t miss the way his eyes drop to my mouth as I near, and the action sends butterfly wings flapping in my stomach. Either that or the baby is already giving me gas.
