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I ain't been wonderin long when up come a policeman an axe me what I'm doin.
I says I'm jus settin here thinkin, an he say ain't nobody allowed to set an think in the park at night an for me to move along. I go on down the street, an the policeman be followin me. I didn't know where to go, so after a wile I saw an alley an walked on back in it an foun a place to set down an rest my feet. I ain't been settin there more'n a minute when the same ole policeman come by an see me there.
"All right," he say, "come on outta there." When I get out to the street, he say, "What you doin in there?"
I says, "Nothin," an he say, "That's exactly what I thought - you is under arrest for loiterin."
Well, he take me to the jail an lock me up an then in the mornin they say I can make one phone call if I want. Course I didn't know nobody to phone but Mister Tribble, so that's what I did. Bout haf a hour later, he shows up at the police station an springs me out of jail.
Then he buys me a big ole breakfast at the hotel an says, "Listen, why don't you let me enter you in the interzonal championships next week in Los Angeles? First prize is ten thousan dollars. I will pay for all your expenses an we will split any money you win. Seems to me you need a stake of some sort, and, to tell you the truth, I would enjoy it immensely mysef. I will be your coach and adviser. How bout it?"
I still had some doubts, but I figgered it wouldn't hurt to try. So I said I woud do it for a wile. Till I got enough money to start the srimp thing. An me an Mister Tribble shook hans an become partners.
Los Angeles was quite a sight. We got there a week early an Mister Tribble would spend most of the day coachin me an honin down my game, but after a wile of this, he jus shook his head an say there ain't no sense in tryin to coach me, cause I got "every move in the book" already. So what we did was, we went out on the town.
Mister Tribble took me to Disneyland an let me go on some rides an then he arranged to get us a tour of a movie lot. They is got all sorts of movies goin on, an people is runnin aroun shoutin "take one," an "cut," an "action," an shit like that. One of the movies they was doin was a Western an we seen a feller get hissef thowed thru a plate glass winder about ten times - till he got it right.
Anyway, we was jus standin there watchin this, when some guy walk up an says, "I beg your pardon, are you an actor?"
I says, "Huh?" An Mister Tribble, he says, "No, we are chess players."
An the feller say, "Well that's kind of a shame, because the big guy here, he looks ideal for a role in a movie I'm doing." And then he turn to me an feel of my arm an say, "My, my, you are a big strong feller - are you sure you don't act?"
"I did once," I says.
"Really!" the feller says. "What in?"
"King Lear."
"Marvelous, baby," he says, "that's just marvelous - do you have your SAG card?"
"My what?"
"Screen Actors Guild - oh, no matter," he say. "Listen, baby, we can get that, no trouble. What I want to know is, where have they been hiding you? I mean, just look at you! A perfect big strong silent type - another John Wayne."
"He is no John Wayne," Mister Tribble say sourly, "he is a world-class chess player."
"Well all the better," the feller say, "a smart big, strong, silent type. Very unusual."
"Ain't as smart as I look," I says, tryin to be honest, but the feller say none of that matters anyhow, cause actors ain't sposed to be smart or honest or nothin like that - just be able to get up there an say they lines.
"My name's Felder," he says, "an I make movies. I want you to take a screen test."
"He has to play in a chess tournament tomorrow," Mister Tribble say. "He has no time for acting or screen tests."
"Well, you could squeeze it in, couldn't you? After all, it might be the break you've been looking for. Why don't you come along, too, Tribble, we'll give you a screen test as well."
"We'll try," Mister Tribble say. "Now come along, Forrest, we have a little more work to do."
"See you later, baby," say Mister Felder, "don't forget now."
An off we go.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The nex mornin is when the chess tournament is bein helt out at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Me an Mister Tribble is there early an he has me signed up for matches all day.
Basically, it ain't no big deal. It took me about seven minutes to whup the first guy, who was a regional master an also a professor in some college, which made me secretly feel kind of good. I had beat a professor after all.
Nex was a kid about seventeen, an I wiped him out in less than half a hour. He thowed a tantrum an then commenced to bawlin an cryin an his mama had to come drag him off.
They was all sorts of people I played that day an the nex, but I beat em all pretty fast, which was a relief since when I played against Big Sam I had to keep settin there an not go to the bathroom or nothin, cause if I got up from the chessboard he would move the pieces aroun an try to cheat.
Anyhow, by that time I had got my way into the finals an they was a day's rest in between. I gone on back to the hotel with Mister Tribble an found a message to us from Mister Felder, the movie guy. It say, "Please call my office this afternoon an arrange for a screen test tomorrow morning," an it give a telephone number to call.
"Well, Forrest," Mister Tribble say, "I don't know bout this. What do you think?"
"I dunno either," I says, but to tell the truth, it soun sort of excitin, bein in the movies an all. Maybe I even get to meet Raquel Welch or somebody.
"Oh, I don't suppose it would hurt anything," Mister Tribble say. "I guess I'll call an set up an appointment." So he call Mister Felder's office an be findin out when an where for us to go an all of a sudden he cup his hand over the phone an say to me, "Forrest, can you swim?" An I say, "Yup," an he say back into the phone, "Yes, he can."
After he done hung up, I axed why they want to know if I can swim, an Mister Tribble say he don't know, but he recon we will find out when we get there.
The movie lot we gone to is a different place than the other one, an we was met at the gate by a guard that took us to where the screen test is bein helt. Mister Felder is there arguin with a lady that actually look somethin like Raquel Welch, but when he seen me, he is all smiles.
"Ah, Forrest," he say, "terrific you came. Now what I want you to do is go thru that door to Makeup and Costuming, and then they will send you back out when they are finished."
So I gone on thru the door an there is a couple of ladies standin there an one of em say, "Okay, take off your clothes." Here I go again, but I do as I am tole. When I get thru takin off my clothes, the other lady han me this big blob of rubber-lookin clothes with scales an shit all over it an funny-lookin webbed feet an hans. She say to put it on. It take the three of us to get me in the thing but after bout a hour we manage. Then they point me in the direction of Makeup an I is tole to set in a chair wile a lady an a feller commence to jam down this big rubber mask over my head an fit it to the costume an start paintin over the lines where it showed. When they is thru, they say for me to go back out to the movie set.
I can hardly walk on account of the webbed feet an it is hard to get the door open with a webbed han, but finally I do an I suddenly find myself in a outdoor place with a big lake an all sorts of banana trees an tropical-lookin shit. Mister Felder is there an when he seen me, he jump back an say, "Terrific, baby! You is perfect for the part!"
"What part is that?" I axed, an he say, "Oh, didn't I tell you? I am doing a remake of The Creature from the Black Lagoon." Even a idiot like me could guess what part he have in mind for me to play.
Mister Felder motion for the lady he had been arguin with to come over. "Forrest," he say, "I want you to meet Raquel Welch."
Well, you coudda knocked me over with a feather! There she were, all dressed up in a low-cut gown an all. "Please to meet you," I says thru the mask, but Raquel Welch turn to Mister Felder lookin mad as a hornet.
"What'd he say? Something about my tits, wasn't it!"
"No, baby, no," say Mister Felder. "He just said he was glad to meet you. You can't hear him too well because of that mask he's got on."
