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She keeps walking to the car, pace quickening as I follow. “Uh, no,” she says. “It must be someone else.”
“No, it’s definitely you.” He glances around the parking lot. No one is within listening range. “I’m not trying to call you out. I’m just a huge fan. I really love your shows. Maybe you remember me from last week. We did a private chat. I’m Barney Bear Love.”
My heart stops for a second. Did he say last week?
“No, I don’t think so,” Amber says, unlocking the car with a trembling hand and motioning for me to get in.
“Well, I know it’s you, even if you won’t admit it. I won’t bother you. It’s just nice to meet you in person. Keep doing all those great shows, sexy.” His grin turns slimy. “I love them.”
He waits for a response, but Amber and I get in the car and lock the doors. After a shrug, he walks back inside the coffee shop.
Amber tries to start the car, but I snatch the keys. She swallows and avoids looking at me. “I was going to tell you.”
I slap my phone into my lap, fingers stabbing the screen.
Turning her hands over as they rest on the tops of her thighs, she stares at her empty palms. “It was a lot of pressure, and it was always super busy. I barely made tips. It wasn’t a good fit, so I left.”
“A month.”
A month? One month? How could she lie to me for an entire month?
“A friend’s house.” She holds up a finger before I can touch my phone again. “And before you ask, no, it’s not Ashley. This is a different friend. Destiny. She works at a club and we met through a mutual friend. It’s completely safe and someone else is always there. Other cam girls. Destiny rents out rooms in her house to make extra money, so me and a few other girls use it like our work office. I’m never by myself.”
She snatches the keys back. “No. What? You’re just going to watch TV while I’m shoving a dildo up my butt and moaning? No thanks. Too awkward.”
The engine starts. “Yeah, online. Not in the same room. And you only really saw that one time you pretended to be a dude. You don’t still prowl cam sites trying to get women to explain how they pleasure themselves, do you?”
I twist my face into a snarl. It’s not the nicest response, and being bitchy is never the best way to communicate, but it really hurts. It hurts that she broke a promise. Breaking promises is a huge deal to me, and that promise was important. Amber doesn’t act safe when she cams.
Her voice is small when she says, “I’m sorry.”
I switch my phone voice to Demon and stab the word ‘angry’ over and over.
“I get it,” she says, backing the car out of the parking spot. “I’m sorry. I was getting ready to stop and find a new job, but now I need the money. It pays more than bartending, the hours are flexible, and I can work as long as I want.”
When she doesn’t respond, I play the demon voice again, louder.
“Not that, okay?” We approach the street and her eyes tense. She won’t keep talking for long. “It’s for you. To help pay for extra utilities and food. The phone that I got you. I’m still paying it off. And we need money for a lawyer. I’ve done research, and I found a few I wanted to show you. They can help.”
Half of me is relieved she’s not buying drugs. The other half is sick. I didn’t think about bills, and I feel stupid for not realizing the extra expense of having me as a roommate. I’m used to rent and everything else being taken care of, for anything I earn to be taken away and given to me as an allowance, or not at all.
And I told Amber I don’t want a lawyer. Am I even allowed to find one on my own? It’s all confusing and like a Pandora’s Box I’m not ready to open. I only want to focus on my sexual problem. Why does Amber keep pushing lawyers? I’m not at home. I have a few moments of freedom and an opportunity to reach my sexual goals. Now is not the time for legal hassles. Lawyers are expensive, and I’m not convinced they’ll help. I talked to one when I was twenty-two, before that man came into my life, and she laughed. She said my legal situation was nearly impossible to change. And what would happen to my mom? She’d fall apart without me. Besides, if that man finds out I’m talking to lawyers, it’ll only piss him off and make my living situation worse when I do go home.
No lawyers, especially if it means Amber has to cam. It wouldn’t be an issue if camming wasn’t a trigger for her falling into bad habits.
I rub my phone against my thigh. I don’t want to be the source of financial strain for Brody and Amber. And I don’t want to be the reason Amber is putting herself in a risky situation again.
My mom often tells me, “You’re very tiring, cookie. You’re so much to deal with, but I’ll always put up with you because no one else will. You need your mama so you never have to worry about anything. I don’t mind carrying the burden.”
With this temporary taste of adulthood, I want to pay my own way. I’ll pay Brody rent, and I’ll show Amber that I can pay for a lawyer myself—even though I won’t actually hire one—so she can find a job that isn’t triggering. Thankfully, I thought ahead and hid $200 in Bamsy for emergencies. I know exactly what to do with it.
I type, “I’m sorry I’m a burden,” on my phone but decide not to hit play when I see Amber’s worried expression. She wants to focus on driving.
