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“You look like you’re ready to puke,” she says, squeezing my hand and helping me up. “Maybe do that before we get in the car?”
I nod.
We find a dark area around the corner of the duplex, and she brushes the stray hairs from my face, holding them out of the way. I hunch forward. A few minutes later, my stomach is empty and my head is clearer, but I still feel so, so heavy.
“Why are you smiling?” Amber asks as we walk to the car. “I hate puking. It tastes bad and smells bad. Ick.”
It takes a few minutes, but I respond,
“And that makes you happy? That you puked outside a stoner’s apartment while I held your hair?”
I grin.
She opens the car door for me and shakes her head with a smile. “I love how strange you are, Paige.” She sits beside me in the backseat and we wait for Brody, who hopefully isn’t doing anything that will get him arrested.
Amber hands me a stick of gum. “Not to be rude, but you need this.”
I pop the minty stick in my mouth.
Her expression wavers. The cool, confident Amber cracks and her bottom lip quivers. “Can I have a hug?” In a whisper, she adds, “Please?”
Of course. I pull her into an embrace, and she cries.
“I almost did something stupid tonight,” she sobs. “I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I let you go into a bad situation. This was so stupid. We need to find better guys for you. Double dates from now on, okay? Even though I hate men.”
I stroke her hair. She didn’t know, and Josh didn’t do anything terrible. He didn’t take advantage of me while I was high, so he’s not completely awful. I also put myself in this situation, and I need to not do that again. Be smarter. No drugs with men I barely know. No sex on the first date. No telling men about my problem. Ever.
Or maybe I should give up. It was a risk telling Josh I can’t orgasm—I blame the drugs for compelling me to be so candid—but at least I know the truth. Having sex with a woman who can’t climax isn’t fun for men. I always suspected it might turn them off. Maybe I didn’t want to believe it. But I have to face the reality that no one wants to ruin the enjoyment of sex by stopping and trying to help me with my problem. Why would they? Adults orgasm and reach nirvana together, and I’m just a freak.
I either keep trying on my own, fake it during sex if it doesn’t happen, or just stop completely and let my sexual desires consume me from the inside out. I’ve spent so many years trying and failing. I’m exhausted.
I stroke Amber’s hair one more time and then break our hug.
Amber wipes her cheeks. “No, what?”
“You’re not wasting time. Most men are pigs, so we just have to screen them better. When you find the right guy, he’ll want to help.” She stares at her knees. “I’ve never found the right guy myself, but I know it’s possible. I have married friends in love, so it does exist.”
Loving someone means they’ll leave, or it means you become blind to their actions. Like when they’re a bad person who hurts others.
“I know. I only mean that good guys exist who will help. We just need to find one.”
I glance around the sedan, finally noticing that it’s not Amber’s. It must be Brody’s. There’s nothing fancy about the car, just a simple black interior with a pop of red on the steering wheel cover. It’s a practical vehicle that does its job well without all the unnecessary extras. A cup holder next to the driver’s seat has a metal water bottle with the quote: On good days, work out. On bad days, work out harder. Definitely Brody’s car.
The heaviness in my chest lightens. I can’t believe he came with Amber. He’s been friendly, but he also avoids me, so I figured I scared him off. Or he doesn’t like me for invading his home. But he’s here. He came when I thought I was abandoned and dying. He must like me enough if he came all this way, even if it’s only as a friend. He’s one of the good guys Amber is talking about.
Maybe there’s still hope.
I know Brody won’t hurt me or put me in danger, especially since he came to my rescue and is yelling at Josh on my behalf. So if we’re friends, there’s a chance we could become friends with benefits. But I’ll need a fresh approach, one I’ve never tried. The previous men I hooked up with were all horny animals ready to fuck whoever came along. Brody is different. He’s experienced. Mature. I need to take it slow. If I can find the patience to seduce him, maybe he’ll agree to help me.
Maybe I won’t be an undesirable woman forever.
Amber sniffs. “Enough crying. You’re safe. That’s what matters. Let’s think about the stupid men in the world later. Or not.”
I squeeze her hand. Then I hunch forward and puke between my feet. Weird-colored vomit soaks into the coarse carpet.
Amber rolls the window down, grinning. “That’s wonderful. That’s a really nice ending to this crappy night. I can’t wait to see Brody’s face when I tell him you puked in his car. Do it as much as you like. I insist.”
