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He smiles and strokes my hair, eyes full of the tenderness that’s been haunting my dreams. I don’t understand. I’m not offering him anything. I can’t give him what other women can—a sexual connection, marriage, even the damn rent. And he hasn’t come in me and created that physical, chemical connection. His feelings make no sense.
Without speaking, he positions his back against the headboard. He opens his bent legs and motions for me to sit in front of him, between his legs, so I can lean back onto his torso that’s dusted with chest hair.
I reluctantly oblige. Once I’m settled with his legs supporting my sides, he wraps his large, firm arms around my waist like a seatbelt. My head falls back onto his shoulder, and he nuzzles his cheek against my hair. I’ve never been held like this. His body is a barrier, supporting me, enveloping me, protecting me from all harm.
I curl my arm to run my hand along his massive, defined bicep. I love his strength. His confidence. The pressure and safety of his embrace calms my racing thoughts. My entire body lets go, melting against him like nothing else in the world matters.
I want to stay with him like this for the rest of my life.
“Stop worrying about me,” he says. “I’m in heaven. I get to come home every day and eat you out, make lo—” He clears his throat. “Uh, be inside you. Or just hang out. I don’t want you to think I’m only into sex. I fucking love your body and everything we do, but that’s not the most important thing to me. You are. You’re letting me help you, and that makes me feel great. I want you to enjoy the pleasure without focusing so much on the orgasm because I can see how it upsets you. Maybe if you just relax and feel good with me, you won’t feel all that pressure. Okay?” He kisses my hair.
I sigh. This man makes no sense. Orgasms are part of sex. They’re the entire purpose of sex. He can’t just like me romantically and be okay with not coming.
“How about I hold you on the couch today and we’ll play a game together or watch a movie? We can order takeout.”
I grab the clear vibrator. I’m running out of time. In three weeks, Amber will be home and I’ll have to leave. I told her I’d stay until she gets back, but then I have to go. The sooner I orgasm, the sooner I’ll have a chance at returning Brody’s feelings. It might be nice to experience love once in my life, even briefly.
I slip the vibrator between my legs, and his embrace loosens so he can trace a finger down the middle of my robe. “I’ll do anything you want, but try to enjoy yourself. No pressure to orgasm. Just feel good for me.”
I nod. Fine. No focus on an orgasm, only pleasure.
With a firm touch, he pulls on the robe, peeling the front open to expose my skin to the cool air. I shiver. His hands cup my breasts. His hardness is already digging against my back. My thoughts wander to the day I watched him touch himself as I close my eyes, sinking deeper against him. I want to see him that way again—stroking his length, moaning as he releases. I imagine him doing that on my body, inside me.
“You’re soaking the sheets,” his voice rumbles. “What are you thinking about?”
I grin and angle my head to look at him.
“Me?”
I nod.
He returns my smile. “Yeah? What about me?”
“God, that was beyond hot.”
Tipping my head back, he kisses me. His breath is heated, tongue eager. I’m lost in the kiss as he slips the vibrator in and clicks the button.
I startle as a buzzy, squirmy, tickling sensation fills my core. I can feel it all the way in my teeth, buzzing my entire brain. I claw at his hands to pull the vibrator out.
He drops it on the bed. “Too much? It was on the first setting.”
Carefully, I lift the buzzing toy and try to slip it back in. Nope. That’s like the sensation of sharp nails on a chalkboard, only it’s in my pussy.
“How about this one?” He holds up something that looks like a purple grenade with a mushroom top. “This is just for your clit.”
I click it on and press it against me. At first, the pulse is manageable, but as it keeps humming and whirring and buzz buzz buzzing against the most sensitive part of my body, I get agitated. I want to get up and pace and shake my limbs like an animal trying to fling water from its fur.
I set the purple grenade beside the clear vibrator, ready to cry. He spent all that money and I just wasted it because my overly sensitive body likes to freak out. I try to get up, but he wraps me in another secure, tight embrace.
“That’s okay. Not a problem. Not all the toys vibrate. But let’s reset. Forget the toys for now.” He moves his knees so they’re under mine, making me sit directly on his lap. He opens his legs, which spreads mine, spreads everything. His thick fingers trace my very exposed crease. “You were telling me how you’re a voyeur?”
I laugh, swallowing the lump in my throat.
