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“Good different?”
He squeezes my hand. I can tell he wants to say something serious, maybe get me talking about my other life again. I’d rather not. Everything with my mom is just how it is. He’s accepted my sexual problem, so he might accept my other secret, but it changes nothing. I simply have to live with her. She enjoys taking care of me, and I legally have to do what she says. How is that abuse? It’s a fact.
I want to see Brody happy and not so concerned with facts I can’t change, so I say,
His serious look dissolves as his eyebrow lifts. “Boyfriend?”
That’s a fun word. Makes me giddy.
He kisses me, which I’ve decided is the response I like best. We don’t have to use words. Kissing is the best way to respond to so many questions.
He cups my cheeks. “You’re my girlfriend. My beautiful, sexy, free-spirited girlfriend.” We kiss again. See? The best response.
Before I can melt completely into the ground, he pulls away to run a hand through his hair and grin at the sky. “Fuck. You make me feel so—” He leans against the car, crossing his arms. He’s trying to look huffy, but his smile ruins the effect. “You know, I had a no-attachment policy before you moved in. I haven’t had a girlfriend in years. Then two months with you and I’m completely—” He’s close to me again. Time for another kiss? “Paige, all these feelings I have are more—”
He’s too serious again. I grab his hand and pull him behind me until he falls in step. It’s too nice of a night to get into feelings I can’t return.
We leave the parking lot and enter a small neighborhood. I don’t know where we are and the streets are dark. They look haunted, with flickering streetlights and cats screeching in the distance. Normally, the flu would consume me in a situation like this, but Brody is here. I’m safe. I know he’s familiar with this area, so he’ll know what to do if anything comes up. Like if a ghost appears or if I need to pee and find a bathroom.
I hug his bicep.
He puts his arm around my shoulder to pull me against his side. “Then I’ll have to always be around so my girlfriend feels safe.”
Always be around.
Always be around.
Always…
That phrase doesn’t fit comfortably in my thoughts. He doesn’t know he’ll always be around. People with ‘feelings’ often leave. Or hurt you.
We walk in silence down the dimly lit street of spooky three-story beach houses. The street soon opens to an area with more lights and activity. A line of people wait outside a busy pizza restaurant, and voices flood out of an open bar door. People stream from other places—an ice cream parlor, a coffee shop, another pizza joint. Then I hear it. The beat of music. My music.
My pace quickens as I yank on Brody’s arm to move faster. I pause at a corner, picking up the beat like Wolverine sniffing out bad guys. I tell Brody,
“I think it’s at Warehouse Eight,” he says. “That’s a full-on club. Is that where you want to go?”
I nod. This may be my only chance to visit a club. I can do this. I can handle it long enough to dance. To live.
EDM trumps everything.
Brody takes the lead and guides us down another street, around another corner. An intimidating double-story warehouse with large windows looms over us. I yank him across the street. I need to get inside.
We find a spot at the end of the short line. I bounce on my toes. We’re not even inside and the music is already thumping through my skull. It’s loud and buzzy and I love the familiar pressure it creates in my core—always the same pressure with lots of spine tingles. A pulse that wraps me in electric heat.
But it is loud. There are also a lot of bodies. A woman brushes up against my arm as she walks by on the sidewalk. I flinch.
Brody watches me but says nothing. I like that about him. He lets me make my own decisions and experience the world my own way. He never talks down to me or treats me like I’m five, telling me to ‘quiet myself’ or to not do something because ‘you know how you get’. I’m an adult around him. A woman. A smart, sexy, capable woman.
Wrapping his arms around me from behind, he kisses the top of my head as we become second in line. Beyond two large open doors, neon pink and purple lights pulse. A sea of people jump as the beat drops after a long build. Glow sticks and light gloves spin. My body becomes hot. Boiling like a furnace. My stomach muscles flutter and thrash. It’s not the sound that bothers me. I can handle loud music if it’s EDM. It’s the interior. How will Brody and I fit inside? There’s no space between bodies.
We take a step forward as the bouncer turns his attention to us. I pull Brody aside, letting the group behind us go first.
