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“I am. So much better. I mean—” she pulls away to shove her suitcase in the back seat “—I have a long way to go. They were very upfront about that. This is just the beginning, and I need to keep working on myself and find a dedicated therapist. I already got an appointment with a one for next week, and I really feel like I can make a lasting change this time. Finally move forward.” She gets in the passenger side, so I also climb in. “What happened to me was traumatic,” she continues. “That’s what we talked about here. I won’t heal overnight. Now that I’m clean, I have to make a commitment to myself to keep healing and live my life fully. I need to choose to no longer be a slave to substances and trauma.”
I start the car. “That sounds great. I’m happy this past month has helped you.”
“Yeah. We talked about how I need to be more open and vulnerable so I don’t keep so much bottled inside, which only leads to me lashing out.” She touches my arm with a slight smile. “And thank you. Exploring all my emotional crap this past month made me realize how grateful I am that you’re my brother. I’m grateful for you.”
I move my hand from the gearshift, leaving the car in park. “You are?”
“Yes. You’ve been there for me through everything. I’m really thankful I have you because anyone else would’ve given up on me. You know, I think I’ll go back to school. Get my engineering degree. You kept trying to get me to do that, but I didn’t listen. You were right, though. You’ve been right about a lot of things, and I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you. Thank you.”
I barely hear her last words because blood is thundering in my ears. How fucking ironic is this? My sister finally shows me appreciation, and it’s the same day I have to tell her I failed to keep her best friend safe. Oh, and we were intimate. That’s two promises I broke. I turn the car off, get out, and start walking.
“Brody?” she calls, scurrying after me. “What are you doing? At least lock the car. My shit is in there.”
I click the lock button on the keys.
“Will you stop? Where are you walking to?”
I wanted to wait until we got home for this discussion, but it’s clawing its way out of me. And it might be better to tell Amber here in the rehab center’s parking lot. We’ll probably need emergency counseling after what I’m about to say.
I stop, turning on my heels to face her. “I slept with Paige.”
“What?!” Her voice is a booming explosion that echoes around the parking lot. Two kids on the sidewalk stare like shit’s about to go down. One pulls out a phone, ready to record.
Amber jerks closer and shoves my shoulder. “Brody, what? You did what with Paige?”
“We were intimate. But it’s not—”
She shoves me again. “Brody, you asshole. You promised! You said you wouldn’t touch her. I take back everything I just said. You’re a fucking prick who can’t keep his dick in his pants. She’s my friend and that’s completely crossing a line you—”
I dodge before she can shove me again. “Wait. I’m explaining this wrong. It came out wrong. I—”
“Oh, you’re explaining it just fine. I tell you to stay away from my best friend and you swear up and down that you’ll leave her alone and just watch after her while I’m gone. Then I leave and you pounce like a fucking dog in heat. You know, she has problems with—” Her face pales and her voice thins. “Did Paige ask you to…help her with…?”
I swat a hand at the kids on the sidewalk who are recording us. I look scary enough that they go wide-eyed and run off. “Yes. We were both interested in each other, and I’m sorry it crossed a line. But I—”
“Oh my god! This isn’t happening.” Amber scrubs at her face. “They said I’d be tested, but I wasn’t expecting this. Tested on my first day out! Why the hell is this my life? Why am I—”
“Will you fucking listen to me? I need your help, Amber. Listen. I—”
“What, Brody? What could you possibly—” She sucks in a breath, becoming still and closing her eyes. She holds up a hand to silence me.
Yeah, like she’s been letting me talk anyway.
Under her breath, she mumbles, “Ninety-nine. Ninety-eight. Ninety-seven…”
I let her count down to eighty-five before I try again. “Amber, I need to—”
“Wait. I’m centering myself. I’m being tested and I have to remember my tools. Communicate without being reactive.” She smooths hair down the side of her head and takes a breath. “Brody, right now I’m feeling triggered. I feel angry and I want to murder you. When you say that you fucked my friend, it makes me feel upset.”
My mouth falls open. What am I supposed to do with that? “Okay. I’m sorry you’re upset, but I—”
“No. Validate my feelings first because they’re valid, and then you can share your feelings. Then we’ll talk about our different perspectives.”
My jaw tightens. “I validate your feelings and—”
She groans. “No, you have to—”
“Amber, stop, li—”
