Page 18 of Surrender


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Me: What is that?

Rafael: I may or may not have been diving into your old social media posts and then found your bio on your work website.

I twist my thumbnail in between my teeth with a smile. He went full-blown Sylvia to know things about me.

Me: I’ll give you a tip. All you have to do is ask and I’ll tell you anything.

Rafael: Would you trust me enough to have a call with me when I’m back working during the day? I’d like to continue talking, but in video chat or at the very least, I want to hear your voice. It’s more personal.

I want to hear your voice.

He’s not alone in that.

Me: I’d like that. I don’t have after-work plans all week.

Rafael: I’ll reach out tomorrow after I wake up. Until then. Ciao, Bella.

I would kill to tell someone about this. Something inside me though is saying to let things stay as they are, between us. How am I going to do that? I know the smile on my face is going to give me away, especially at home. I feel like a child at Christmas, waiting for the dawn when we can wake up and see what surprises are in store.

Tuesdays are usually my easiest day. Not today.

I feel like I’m constantly on edge. This is the place I didn’t want to be. I’m hoping, dreaming…waiting.

I never expected to. Keep it casual. Keep it at bay. I took the engagement ring off less than two weeks ago, and I’m already wishing and hoping for the next message or call from another man. This is crazy, truly crazy.

A gentle knock on my bedroom door brings me out of my mental pros and cons list. “Hey. Dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes.”

“Thanks for cooking tonight, Syl. I just couldn’t decide on anything.”

“Ava? Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just in my head, as you like to say.”

“Anything I can help you with?” Is it work?”

“Shit. I wish it was work. That would be easy for me to sort out. I’m just questioning myself.”

“On what?” Sylvia flops down on the end of my bed and stretches out.

“This is a mess of what-ifs and reflections. I just want to preface it with that.”

“You don’t have to prepare me for anything. Just talk.”

“Did I do everything I could with Vince?”

“Are you kidding me? Did you just ask me that question? Girl, I’m in the camp of you stayed too long at the party. He became complacent where you were concerned. You held up two legs of that three-legged table for a long-ass time alone. He should have done you right by letting you go before bed hopping.”

“I don’t know. I just figured I’d be more upset or something. Honestly, I feel okay. I’m settled with it. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be to take the ring off or immediately stop seeing him. Sure, sometimes I’m a little sad, but I’d be more worried if I wasn’t at all.”

“I think you were and are just done. You’re done accepting less than you deserve. You’re done staying with someone because you’re engaged and feel like you need to see it through. You decided you want more. I’m here to tell you I’m proud of you for it.”

“I feel guilty for even flirting with Rafael.”

“Don’t you dare. I wish I could see you that happy all the time. If a little harmless flirting with a beautiful man gives you that, I am going to vote yes every time.”

“You don’t think it falls in the too-soon category?”

“I have a feeling you’re overthinking because you haven’t dated in seven years. Let it go, Ava. There is a plan. I know it. The universe drops things in your lap to say, ‘Well, whatcha gonna do with that one?’ If they all look like Rafael, I can tell you what my answer would be every time.” I flop over next to her as we laugh until the timer on her phone interrupts us. “Bring your ass and appetite to the couch. It’s food time.”

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