Page 30 of Surrender


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The heat no longer is entering from his body. It’s rising on its own. I suddenly realize that we’ve crossed a line in the sand we can’t uncross. I’ve only ever been with Vince. I’ve never done casual, if that’s what this is. I don’t know what this is. I’ve stepped so far outside of normal reason for myself. It feels so good. Good doesn’t even begin to describe it, but I’m suddenly more nervous than if this had been my first time.

“Hey, Bella. Where did you go?” He taps his finger gently under my chin. “I can see something in your eyes. What is it?”

“I need to be honest with you about something.”

“I wouldn’t expect or demand less.” He delicately pushes a few stray hairs off my face. “I guess demand is a harsh word.”

“This, whatever this is between us, is going so fast. It’s amazing and I want it. I’m also… Rafael, we need to slow down a bit. I’m not saying stop. It’s just… we don’t know a lot about each other. We have so much to talk about and learn.”

“I want to learn everything, know everything. What do you need, Ava?”

“Conversation. Sharing. More of what you’ve already been doing too. I just came out of a long relationship. When I say just, I mean like weeks ago. I was engaged.”

Rafael’s hand that was still on my back has now started to make lazy lines up and down my spine. He’s looking deep into my eyes, waiting for me to continue at my pace, at least that’s how he’s making me feel.

“I’d only been single again for about a week when we bumped into each other at the coffee shop. I’ve never been this impulsive. If I’m being completely honest, my ex-fiancé is the only other man I’ve been with in seven years. He was my first.”

He doesn’t even blink. Rafael reaches forward and kisses the tip of my nose first, then the apple of my right cheek. “I want you to be comfortable, Ava. This is outside of my normal as well. I have reservations too, but they have nothing to do with you. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for being here. If last night is the only time, I will regret nothing.”

“It won’t be the last time,” I whisper.

“Are you hungry? I could make us something to eat.”

“I’d love that,” I tell him.

“Don’t move then. It won’t take me long.”

I get a soft, lingering kiss on my lips before he slides out from under me. He sits with his legs dangling over the edge of the bed for a moment. Rafael takes the pillow still scented with him and places it under my head. With a smile behind his eyes, he rises from the bed.

We made love last night. We’ve seen all the intimate details of each other under the veil of night. Watching his body rise and stretch in the light of day is truly something to behold. The broadness of his shoulders tapers to an enticing V at his waist. The clasp of his father’s necklace dangles near Rafael’s hairline.

His lack of tan lines and his lack of care about clothing while he creates breakfast, tells me he’s more than comfortable with his body and being naked in front of me. I wish my insecurities would allow me the same freedom. The one thing I never saw before are his intricate tattoos.

When he was on set, and when we saw each other a few times alone, they were covered up. They are both beautiful gray scales. One is a combination of words and images across his rib cage. I will have to ask him what they mean.

The other is the Celtic cross. The brief glimpse I got of it on his forearm, before other things distracted me, was stunning. It was done to look like an old stone monument. It gave me an instant feel of strength and courage, much like him.

I wrap my arms around the pillow he gave me and inhale deep. Its hypnotic fragrance, along with the roll of the waves outside our open windows, lull me back into a shallow slumber. The weight of him dipping the mattress beside me and the fresh aroma of coffee bring me back to this fantastical reality a short time later.

“We have no time table here, Ava. We can do as we please, when we please. The pantries are stocked, along with the liquor cabinet. We can explore outside of our oasis, or not. We can have things catered in for us, or not. The only thing I want is to see your smile the entire time we’re together. Whatever it takes to accomplish that, I’ll be happy.”

I roll leisurely to my back while running my fingers lightly over his thigh. “If I’m dreaming, don’t ever wake me up. Promise?”

“I’d promise you anything, Bella.”

We sit up against the fabric headboard with the breakfast tray next to us. The bites of toast and jam, varieties of fresh berries, ice water, and coffee are more than enough to settle my grumbling belly and to wake the few senses that are still groggy. I wrap my fingers tightly around my white ceramic coffee mug and stare at Rafael’s profile. He’s transfixed by the motion of the palms in the breeze and the constant movement of the waves over the rocks, which I’m sure are just beyond my line of sight.

“What are you thinking?” I ask him.

His eyes slowly flutter once or twice as he gives my question a soft smile. “Honestly, I was thinking I could stay right in this spot forever. Ava, I’m not one who usually slows down. Normally, I have a dozen projects in motion at once. This is the first vacation I’ve had in over two years. I’m off the map. I have only a handful of people who know where I am.”

“You want to be unreachable, but here I am?”

“I came to this place because of you, Ava. You were taking time to slow down. I could see it and feel it from you, even if you didn’t outright tell me that’s what you were doing. Of course, now I know part of the reason why.”

“I haven’t been anywhere in a long time either. You know, it’s ironic that I’m here with you.”

He chuckles a bit. “Haven’t we already talked about this?”

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