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“Perhaps, I’ll have to check my schedule. If you’ll excuse me, I need to make a quick phone call. My roommate was feeling unwell when I left this evening. I should call and check on her.”
I give everyone a quick nod before I circle behind Alexandra. She quickly, and inconspicuously, tugs on my wrist as I pass behind her. She gives me a knowing look. I narrow my eyes just a bit, hoping she’ll understand and let me go. Thank God she does. I’m finally in the lobby space. There are alcoves and hallways leading in all directions. I look for a getaway with the least amount of people. I can feel a cascade of tears, curse words, and throbs to my head ready to burst from inside. I don’t want anyone to see it nor give Rafael the satisfaction.
My pace picks up from a purposeful stroll to a near run in my heels. I end up going past the restrooms into a back interior hallway, whose walls are filled with the history of the building. It’s a museum of sorts with a small seating area at the far end. The parts of the walls that aren’t covered in gold-framed photography are adorned in black-and-burgundy crushed velvet. They look like the curtains of a proper theatrical stage.
I plop down in one of the overstuffed Georgian-style chairs. I toss my clutch down on the table beside me. I need to sit in silence and figure out how I’m going to survive the rest of the night staring at the man I thought I knew with the woman I thought I was.
I rub my fingers slowly back and forth across my forehead. I thought Vince’s infidelity was going to be the worst thing I had to work through. This is infinitely worse. My stomach rolls and churns beneath my other hand. I take a few deep breaths in the hopes I can continue to hold back my tears.
“Ava?”
I hear my name come at me from a few paces in front of me. A deep voice drifts over my entire body. When I get the courage to look up, Rafael is standing before me. His black tuxedo fits him to perfection. His hands are tucked down in his pockets. Peeking out from under the cuff of his shirt is the bracelet from the island. The blue that matches his eyes. The blue that matched the water we swam in, bathed in, made love in.
His image blurs as my silent tears fall from the corners of my eyes. “After everything I told you. After everything we shared, how? How long did you think you could make a fool of me? Was it a game?”
“What? Bella, no.”
“Don’t call me that. Please don’t.”
“It’s who you are to me.”
“Who is she to you then? Hmm? Answer that.”
“Ava…” His voice trails off.
“Don’t you dare fucking lie to me anymore at this point. I’m not the same stupid girl I was ten minutes ago. Who. Is. She?”
“Nicolette and I have been on again, off again for about five years.”
“Five years?!” My voice cracks. “Nico. Every damn time I heard that name on the island, the hair on my arms went up. Now I know I wasn’t wrong. Nico is Nicolette. I must have been the talk of every place we went. No wonder you wanted us to stay hidden away in the villa most of the time. I’m no one’s dirty little secret.”
Rafael moves toward me and crouches at my feet. “Bella, you are not that. You’ve never been that. I need you to understand something. When we met at the coffee shop, I felt alive for the first time in years. Being near you made everything brighter. We were meant to meet. We were meant to be in each other’s lives. You make things clear. You’re to me what my mother is to my father. I’ve never known anyone like you.”
“Yet you treat me like this? You knew. I told you what I’d been through. You’d never even met Vince and you called him names in five languages. You’re no better than he is. No wait. Actually, this is worse. I’d already fallen out of love with him. I’m hopelessly in love with you, and I can’t love you anymore.”
He drops his head into his hands. “Don’t say that. Please don’t say that,” he whispers.
“Say what? Don’t say it’s over? I could do that, but I’d be lying.”
“No, Ava. No.” He reaches his hand across into my lap where my hands sit limp with a subtle tremble. “Let me make this right. You said we both have pasts. You said you’d listen. Ti amo.”
As I hear my own words being used against me, my tears start to flow in gentle sobs as I rest my forehead against the top of his head. “The only thing I regret is having to say goodbye. You showed me a side of myself I’ll forever be grateful for. You reminded me I do know how to love. I hope you find what you need. I love you, Rafael.”
I give him a gentle kiss to his head before I somehow slide out from under his touch. He doesn’t move. He’s staring at the chair as if I were still sitting there. Rafael allows me to just pass him before he grabs my wrist. I look down at his face. There is a deep furrow to his brow. I can visibly see the struggle in him to hold it together. Finally he cracks and I see a tear escape from his left eye.
Don’t. Please don’t. I won’t have the will to walk away.
His hand shakes around mine, while from his knee, he kisses the back of my hand like he did that first time. My mind presses rewind and our whole time together plays like a movie inside my head. He stares at the back of my hand first, then my face while that tear continues its trail down his face.
“Ti riguadagnerò, Bella.”
I don’t know what it means, other than those are the last words I’ll hear from him. I need to get away. I need to leave. I can’t stay the rest of the night knowing he’s with her, knowing he’s not really mine, knowing he lied.
My walk, at first, is slow. Then my gate picks up. I’m as near a run as I think I can get in these shoes. I know I won’t make it to the front door before I completely lose it. I duck in the ladies’ room and hope that it’s not full of people, especially her.
The room is an older style where there is a dressing area with a full length mirror and a couple of chairs outside of the toilet and sink area. I get lucky and there is no one here at the moment. I allow myself to sink into the comfort and quiet of the chair and unload all the emotion I’ve been holding back. My head rocks forward into my hands while my body collapses into the back of the chair. I can hardly fight through the tears to breathe. My heart is truly broken.
I hear the door open and I quickly turn away. A couple of women quietly wander by into the stalls. I feel a soft hand on my shoulder. When my hands fall away and my eyes refocus, I find Alexandra pulling the second chair over closer to me to have a seat.
