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“Christ, Ava, you’re not a robot. You need to feel all the things. He played you. I want to put my fist in his pretty boy face.” Austin leans in to kiss my forehead. I feel this sudden chill wash over me. My brother instantly senses it and pulls me close. I wrap my hands over his shoulder blades and bury my face in his neck so he doesn’t see the tears that threaten to fall again like the rain against the umbrella.
Rafael
I navigate the global precheck lane with Nicolette rather quickly. I don’t think I’ve spoken more than two full sentences since I left Julian’s office at Skywriter an hour ago. We talked at length, and passionately, about their upcoming project. I know it’s something I want to do, need to do. I gave him all the reasons why, but one. If Alexandra has told him what happened between Ava and me, he didn’t let on.
Leaving the office, I felt confident an offer, or at the very least, a more formal audition would be granted. That’s the absolute best I could have hoped for out of this trip. It’s better than I deserve for sure.
Lying awake most of the night, I still waited for Ava’s call or texts that never came. When the car picked me up with Nico inside, I slid in and gave my window attention. She didn’t push for information. She knows she won’t get it right now. I don’t know what I want right now other than silence. At least in the silence, my mind can still conjure my Bella.
As we ride with raindrops hitting the windows, and with where my mind is, I even think I see Ava everywhere. Walking a dog. In the driver’s seat of a car next to me. Standing near a field with another man in an embrace. I don’t think I will ever stop seeing her like this. A therapist would tell me it’s because of my guilt. My soul will tell me it’s because she’s my other half.
I sit in the far corner of the seating at the gate away from everyone. The dull noise from the people milling around is like the sound of a jackhammer to my head. I can’t wait to board, put on my headphones, and cancel out not just the sound, but sleep away the thoughts in my head.
Nico pulls my hand down slowly from sliding back and forth across my chin to place a trio of pills in my hand. “What is this?” I ask.
“Two are for the headache I can tell you have and the other is to relax your body so you can sleep. You slept for about an hour last night, if that long.”
“Forty-two minutes, around three in the morning.” I quietly pop the combination in my mouth and chase it with my hydration-infused water.
“Rafi, I will give you the time you need to sort whatever you need, but this cannot drown what I know you’ve been working for. You should have told her how it was initially. Give it some time. I’m sure she will allow you the chance to explain, then things can resume as normal.”
“Normal. What does that even mean anymore?”
The medication has done its job by the time Nico and I find our seats in first class. I buckle in and tilt my head to the window. Classical piano and guitar drown everything around me. I start to melt into memories. My fingers use my bracelet as a worry stone. The blue is the ocean in the Grand Turk. The smooth curves of the stones are her skin. I’m nearly asleep when I feel a hand on my arm.
My body jolts. “Relax. I wanted you to have something exciting to sleep on. I just got an email. You have a firm offer from Julian and Alexandra Stone. If you accept, you start filming in ten days. Looks like you’re going back to Atlanta in seven days.”
“What? Really? Just me?”
“I have a few things to tie up in Rome, then I will be along to check on things in a few days. I think you’ll survive without me.”
Survive.
That remains to be seen.
Chapter sixteen
Ava
I’ve never needed my brother so much.
We did something we hadn’t done since we were kids. We watched every Star Wars film back to back, only moving from my bed for personal needs or food. We alternated mini naps during some of the first movies, which we both agree are not our favorites. We got somewhere toward the end of Return of the Jedi and I remember Austin slipping the remote from my hand to shut the television off. He pulled the blanket up to my chin and lay on top of the blankets beside me.
I know there was one time where a dream woke me. He was sound asleep with one hand on my back and his other across his chest. My little hero. I felt him leave the bed around sun up to call the airline to push back his flight to Sunday evening. He didn’t have to do it, but I’m glad he did.
He makes his world-class, chocolate chip pancakes with sliced bananas for me to eat in bed. After that, I ask him to take another walk with me. The sun is out today. I hope that means for a somewhat brighter day inside me. We wander the same path as yesterday and I notice things I didn’t before. There are rolling clumps of wildflowers in blazes of yellow and white. The high clouds aren’t able to pale the blue sky.
“It’s funny, isn’t it?” I ask.
“What?” Austin reaches down to pull a long blade of grass from the edge of the sidewalk.
“I can feel like complete shit on the inside and you get me out here…look at how beautiful things are.” The hills go on and on to the horizon. If I didn’t know the area like I do, I’d swear we were deep in the country.
“You sound like Mom,” he laughs.
I smack his shoulder as we wander off the path to the fence line. “Thanks, but also fuck you.”
“You’re cursing at me. This is encouraging.”
