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Rio Salazar had been my friend since kindergarten. He’d stood by me as my soul warped and twisted, and I’d been by his through all his shit. We’d pushed each other just that little bit further every time. One more drink. One more punch. One more smoke. One more fuck. We’d dared each other down and down the rabbit hole to the darkest depths of our psyches. But we both remembered a time before it all. We both knew exactly where that tiny spark of light still lived in the other, even if we’d lost it in ourselves. Other than Piper, Rio knew me best.
Logically, I knew he would never make a pass at Piper. He’d known before me what she’d meant to me. We might have been known to trade chicks before, but Piper wasn’t just another chick.
Shame then that logic had had no place in my head for too long.
I wanted to feel anything other than the crushing pain that was waiting for me.
So, I got angry.
“What were you doing, Salazar?” I hissed, shoving him again.
He’d put up with a lot from me, but there was only so much he’d put up with. Finally, he pushed me back.
“Finding out you didn’t just lose your mind,” he snapped back.
I blinked. “What?”
He pointed behind us, even though we’d moved away from Piper and her friends. “She’s special, Lombardi. She’s special and she’s waiting on you, and you’re just going to let her sit there by herself?”
I scowled. “She’s never alone.”
Rio bitch slapped me. “You of all people know loneliness doesn’t give a fuck about who you’re with.”
“It’s not your business,mate,” I warned him.
“Will you get over yourself?” he yelled, huffing a humourless laugh. “She loves you. She knows you. She accepts you. Enough to let you go. And it’s killing her inside. She’s fucking dying inside doing what she thinks is best for you. Even I’m not that good, mate,” he finished quietly. “Even I’m not that good.”
The number of times Rio and I had ventured into emotions territory wasn’t countable on one hand. We were brutally honesty with each other, and that included feelings. Before Piper, he was the only one. We didn’t get all nancy wanker on each other, but we told it how it was.
Still, he’d never said anything like that before.
I looked to Lily and the boys, and kicked my head to dismiss them. When Lily seemed reticent to leave, I pushed her to Jake. She gave me a confused look, but I ignored her.
“What do you mean you’re not that good?” I asked Rio when the others had left.
He shrugged with a huff. “Man, I don’t expect you to change. You are who you are, and I am who I am. We work because we’re like the same person. But this shit with Piper’s made me realise that even I think this time things could be different.”
My eyes narrowed. “Like what?”
He flailed his arms. “I don’t fucking know. Like maybe we could be better. Like maybe we could deserve a chick that’s half as good as Piper. And,” he laughed ruefully, “I can’t believe I’m about to fucking say this, but I think you deserve her. She just wants you, mate. As you are, and all. What’s the big deal?”
“The big deal is that I can’t ruin her, Rio. Not like I’ve ruined the others. Not like I’ve ruined me. She has a chance–”
“You’re both fucking miserable!” he cried.
“I’m not miserable.”
He scoffed sarcastically. “No. You just can’t get it up for anyone else but her. I can’t remember the last time I saw you less than four drinks in. And you threatened to take a swing at Officer Daniels.”
That one, I felt minorly bad about. “I didn’t though, did I?”
“That woman puts up with a fuck tonne of our shit, and she deserves better than you taking your pain out on her–”
“What do you know about pain?” I growled.
He looked at me like we both knew what a stupid question that was. And it was.
“My bad,” I admitted.
