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Her teeth caught her lip like she was trying not to smile. “It might be.”
“Can I hug you now?” I dared ask, hoping things were on their way to mending.
She was conflicted. I could see that. “I’ve moved on, Roman.”
“Rio said.”
She nodded almost absently. “Did he?”
“Yeah. He told me you were adamant, but he didn’t believe you.”
She looked like Maddy when she was caught nicking ice cream. “I can’t imagine why he thought you’d care.”
“Because he saw what you saw, what I need you to see again.”
She finally looked at me again. “I don’t know exactly what you’re asking of me here.”
She did. She knew what I was doing here. She knew it better than I knew it.
“Do you really not?” I asked.
“Do you know what you’re asking?” Her eyes searched my face, and I don’t know that she found what she was looking for.
“Honestly?” I asked her.
“Always, Roman. You know that.”
“I realised you were right,” I told her. “I’m asking to be your boyfriend, Piper. For real. Legitimately. To be yours and entirely off the market.”
“For how long, Roman? How long until you get bored?”
It was a fair question. The old Roman got bored as soon as he’d got what he wanted out of the deal. I’d spent so long trying – and mostly failing – to keep her at arm’s length that I could see why she was questioning this now. I’d spent too long telling her I couldn’t give her anything she needed, wanted or deserved. I’d been fucking wrong, but I’d still been telling her that. Of course she was going to question me changing my mind.
“You finally think that little of me? Or, you still think that little of you?”
She looked begrudgingly impressed with that. “First, you thought there was an expiry date on this, then we were just friends, then we had no hope. And, you can’t get bored of something you don’t have. What’s going to stop you getting bored now? Or, deciding you’re not good enough after all? We’ll presumably hold hands, we might even kiss at school. People will know, people will see, and you’re supposed to only be with one person for the foreseeable future. Can you do that?”
“When that one person’s you, I could do it forever.”
And I could. Even new Roman would probably get bored once he’d got what he wanted out of the deal. But what I wanted with her was forever, or at least for as long as she’d have me. Me getting bored of her wasn’t possible.
“Roman, you can’t…” She took a deep breath. “What do you expect to get out of this?”
“I expect to spend every day with my best friend. I expect to sit in good moods and bad moods and comfort the only person who’s ever truly accepted me for me. I expect to be able to tell everyone that this beautiful, intelligent, amazing girl is mine and I’m hers. I expect to watch cheesy Rom-Coms with you, to sit through hours of your stupid John Cusack movies, to always wonder if you could ever love me as much as you love him–”
“I don’t lovehim. I don’t know him…”
She careened to a stop and we both realised where she’d put her emphasis there.
There was still a chance here. She still loved me. I just needed to prove to her that I loved her, too.
“I’m not Carter, Piper,” I told her. “I’m certainly not perfect. But, I am totally in love with you, and I want to be your John Cusack…” My smile was wry as the song, still playing on repeat, echoed that exact sentiment. Talk about being a nancy wanker. “If you’ll let me…”
She stepped closer to me and said, “You’re perfect to me, Roman.”
Well, knock me down and put fucking animated hearts floating around my head. It wasn’t the first time she’d said I was enough, that I was right, that she wanted me, but it was different remembering she’d said it and hearing her say it again.
I was so used to the voice in my head being harsh and unforgiving that I could never think of her positive words the same way she said them. There was always a tinge of sarcasm in the memory, corrupted by my inability to believe anything good about myself. But she said it like she meant it. Her eyes were open and honest and so fucking warm, I could just melt into them and never look back.
