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“Yeah, you wish,” she snorted.
“No, that would be ravage. Totally different.”
She tripped on something on the ground and my arms flew out to steady her. The nearness of our noses brushing was more intimate than had they actually touched. My heart thudded in my chest. There was a very strong part of me that wished I could ravage her. There was a part of me that would give anything to taste her, to feel her, just once. But I would not do that to her.
“How do you just come out and say things like that?” she breathed.
My heartbeat increased as I searched her eyes, but I didn’t know what I was looking for. “I don’t know, I just do. Some call it confidence, some call it arrogance, others call me dirty–”
“Yes, I’ll bet a lot of people call you dirty and it’s not always an insult.”
Jesus Christ. I was suddenly very sure that there were things she could teach me in the bedroom. I broke into a flash grin and it was enough to get my head out of my balls. I stood us up and got the strength to let go of her and keep heading to the lake.
“Others call me passionate,” I continued like she hadn’t spoken.
“I’ll bet they’re the same ones who think dirty is a compliment,” she said, sounding slightly distracted. “Passion. Dirt. I suppose it’s all the same to you really.”
I stopped and turned. Something about her voice made me feel like a lesson was necessary here. No, not a lesson, more like she just needed – deserved – to see the world a different way. A different way than the way she’d been taught to see it.
She gasped as she ran into me, and we were closer than was perhaps advisable. I didn’t step away.
“There’s nothing dirty about passion, Piper,” I told her, surprised by the feeling in my voice. “Nothing wrong with acting on mutual attraction. Passion and attraction isn’t something you can help. It happens whether you want it to or not. You get to decide what you do with it, not anyone else.”
She licked her lip. “And, what about all the girls you leave behind? What happens when you’re out of passion for them?”
I couldn’t deny there was a decent line. “How many girls do you hear wanting more from me, Barlow?”
“Every single one you’ve been with,” she said vehemently.
What? I wasn’t sure if I was more shocked by her tone, her words, or the fact she had any idea what the girls I left behind thought.
“Come on, don’t pretend you have no idea,” she huffed. “Don’t tell me you thought you had your fun with them then they wandered off into the sunset completely fine.”
I didn’t think that at all. I was well aware there were plenty who wanted more, no matter what I told them, no matter that they assured me they knew the deal. But Piper surprised me.
“I wouldn’t pretend anything of the sort. I just didn’t expect you to be keeping tabs on my sex life.”
She grunted in what sounded like frustration or disgust and pushed past. “It’s a little hard not to keep tabs on your sex life when that’s the majority of the gossip at school.”
“Oh Barlow, anyone would think you cared!” I had to tease her so she didn’t think I felt anything about whatever she might feel about it. Because I didn’t.
“Shut up,” she muttered.
I felt torn. I didn’t want her to be angry with me, or upset, or whatever she was. But I couldn’t lie to her about what I got up to. Before we left the deeper shadow of the trees, I took her arm softly and she stopped.
“Look, I don’t make a habit of telling anyone to expect more than what I’ll give them, Barlow,” I told her. “If girls expect more after, it’s because they’ve created whole fantasies in their heads. What you see is what you get with me. That they forget that and think they can change me is not my fault.”
Had it been something to be proud of, it would have been a point of pride that I was as honest with the chicks I hooked up with as possible. I couldn’t change. People didn’t change. I wouldn’t make promises I couldn’t keep. And I had no need to promise anything more than what I’d give, and girls still lined up for a night with my cock.
She sighed and looked up at me.
I needed her to understand, I needed her to… Forgive me, maybe. For her to not hold it against me. For things to be free and easy and casual as they’d been the last few nights. I couldn’t go back to her looking at me like I’d disappointed her. Not her. I could take anyone’s disappointment but hers.
Piper chewed her lip as she searched my eyes. She looked torn and I not only didn’t know what she was thinking, but what conclusion she’d come to.
“I can’t be changed, Piper…” I told her slowly, willing her to understand, to believe, to accept.
She gave me a short nod. “I am well aware of that fact.”
