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She seemed so unsure and small and full of self-doubt. I knew I should be making her feel better about it, but I was so amused that’s what she thought – and relieved it hadn’t been anything else – that I found myself smiling. When she looked at me expectantly, I realised I hadn’t said anything.
The God’s honest truth was that I’d just been enjoying being with her and it didn’t have to be sexual for me to enjoy it. But in the back of my head was the very stark reality of who she was compared to who I was, and I didn’t want to push her or seem like I was expecting things I had no right to expect.
“Uh huh,” I said slowly. “Right. Well, I was trying to be considerate, it having been your first time and I wasn’t exactly gentle. I figured you’d be sore and not exactly a ‘go at it like rabbits’ type.”
“How do you just come out and say things like that?” she asked me in awe, her eyes wide.
I could only shrug as I found an excuse to run my fingers along her temple.
It seemed a pretty easy philosophy to me, really.
“Because if you can’t talk about sex,” I told her, “then you probably shouldn’t be doing it. Besides, honesty is important. How else do you get satisfaction? Sexual partners aren’t mind readers, you know. You have to be able to talk about this stuff. About what you want, what you like, and what you don’t.”
She chewed her lip as she seemed to think it over. I searched her eyes and saw heat in them. Certainty surrounded us. Like it was just strengthening the lining of the bubble we’d made for ourselves. Like those times I knew she wanted to kiss me. I knew what she wanted, and this time it was more than a kiss, but it was better if she could tell me.
“Did you want to do it again?” I coaxed, a slight note of teasing to my voice. She blushed furiously and it just made her sexier. I dipped my nose to the skin of her neck under her ear and felt her body arch slightly up to mine. “Because you just have to say.”
“I can’t do that,” she whispered, and I chuckled.
“You can if it’s what you want.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I can’t.”
This was more than just consent now. I wanted to hear her say the words out loud. Like she had one foot in her box, and I needed her to leave the fucking thing behind for good.
“It’s me, Barlow. You can tell me anything and I won’t judge you.”
She breathed in deeply and closed her eyes. Her cheeks flamed as she said, “I want to have sex with you again, Roman,” but her voice was steady and sure.
She did things to me that I honestly never knew were possible. I wanted every single part of her. I wanted to give her every part of me. I couldn’t, but it didn’t stop me wanting everything I could never have.
I pulled back slightly and told myself that, as dangerous as it was, she was mine and I was hers. If only for now. “You’re fucking adorable, you know that?”
Her eyes flew open, wide in shock and a hint of annoyance. “Not really the response I was hoping for.”
As I looked her over, I licked my lip slowly. The things I wanted to do to her. To show her. To have her do to me. How could she think that her being adorable, or being sexy, or just being fucking Piper Barlow weren’t all the same to me?
“Relax, Barlow,” I told her, not trusting myself with her first name. “I want to again, too. I haven’t stopped thinking about you. But this time, we’re doing it right.”
“Right?” she asked, like she didn’t know what that meant.
Well, I was definitely a show not tell kind of guy, so I’d show her.
And I kissed her. The way I’d always wanted to kiss her. Deep. Slow. Passionate. Just a mere taste of the way she made me feel. All the things I could never – would never – put in words. My lips barely left hers as I drew her up with me to sitting and trailed my hands over her hips. She looked at me like she didn’t know what was coming next and I gave her a warm smile.
“First, we get rid of this.”
“I’m not wearing anything under this except undies…” she said, slowly.
“Even better.” I winked at her.
I slowly started to lift the bottom of her nightie up. She didn’t stop me, but I made sure to give her plenty of time to change her mind or hit pause at any time. It was agonising to move so slowly when I just wanted to hold her in my arms and bury myself inside her, but this wasn’t about me. This was about nothing except her and the very least of what she deserved.
I dropped her nightie out of the way and looked at her. There wasn’t an ounce of worry or hesitation about her now. She sat there calmly, waiting to see what I’d do next. If she was self-conscious, she didn’t show it.
My hand reached for her and cupped her breast. My thumb ran over her skin, and she leant towards me imperceptibly. I watched her teeth graze slowly over her bottom lip and heat pooled in her eyes.
“You’re beautiful, Piper,” I told her, my eyes not leaving hers.
