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She needed distracting. I rolled us so I was on top of her again, and she laughed.
“It’s not just how tight you are, it’s how you respond to me, Barlow. Hands down, you are my best fuck.” My tone was teasing, but I meant every single fucking word.
She looked up at me. “Compliments will not distract me, Lombardi.”
Well, fuck.
“Sex has to be honest remember?” she said pointedly.
There was going to be no getting out of it now, was there?
I sighed and flopped back on the bed, throwing my arm over my eyes in what I admit was a fucking drama queen move. “Fine. I was going to say that, if it was up to me, you’d be the only girl I fucked for the rest of my life,” I told her.
For a moment, she didn’t say anything, and I reconsidered the sense in being honest with her. But, as usual, she didn’t so much as surprise me as surpass every expectation.
“But you don’t do forever,” she said, like she was finishing my sentence.
I looked at her, frowned, then looked away again. What did I say to that? “Barlow, I–”
“It’s fine, Lombardi,” she said quietly. “Just like I knew what could happen if I kept hanging out with you, I knew what would happen after that. Once you’re bored, you’ll move on. I don’t expect anything else from you.”
A part of me hurt she could say that.
There were a lot of choice words on my lips. Dangerous words. Stupid words. Fucking nancy wanker words. Words I couldn’t let myself think could be true.
But that was who I was. That’s how I’d been with every other chick in my life. She’d seen the evidence as well as anyone. The only problem was, I didn’t think I’d ever get bored of her. I couldn’t give her more, but I didn’t know how I was supposed to give her up.
The whole thing was fucking with my head. I couldn’t promise her anything. I wouldn’t lie to her about who I was. But I also didn’t want to push her completely away.
I scoffed, feeling like this was just further proof of me fucking up everything I touched.
I sat up and leant my elbows on my knees. “They all say that, until suddenly it’s forgotten, and they think they can change me.”
She didn’t need to know that. I felt like I was testing her. Or me.
“Roman…” she scolded, and didn’t continue until I looked at her and she sat up beside me. “This, here? There are no expectations, okay?” She lay her hand on my cheek. “We’ve had fun, but that’s all it is, and I get that. I mean no offence, but you’re hardly the guy I want to introduce to my parents as my boyfriend.”
No. Of course not. Roman Lombardi wasn’t boyfriend material. No self-respecting parent looked at me and thought ‘Good, smart, safe romantic choice’. It brought back the stark reminder that there was a guy who was boyfriend material. A guy I’d let myself forget about in the safety of our bubble. And it was only a matter of time before he pulled his head out of his arse and did right by her.
My laugh was humourless. “No. Carter is far more the right guy for that job.”
The way she shrugged made a ridiculous sliver of hope flare to life in the pit of my soul. It confused me. She wanted to date Mason Carter, didn’t she? And, if she was having second thoughts, it surely wouldn’t have been because of me. Would it…?
“I don’t know,” she said. “My point is, I know you’re not. I know we’ve had a good time these holidays. Hell, I’d hazard to say we’ve got close. We’ve even had some legitimate moments. But aside from the whole sex thing, we can’t be more than friends. And I’m okay with that.”
She was okay with that? Piper Barlow? Okay with casual sex? Or casual…whatever this was? She looked absolutely sure. I couldn’t deny she believed she was okay with that. And if she believed it, then what else could I do? It still set off conflicting feelings in me.
“You’re really okay with that?” I asked.
She nodded. “I mean, the idea that you’ll probably sleep with other girls at the same time doesn’t fill me with rainbows. But I don’t expect you to change who you are just because we’ve had…something…”
I was pretty sure the only reason I was having trouble wrapping my head around that was that it felt far too good to be true. She didn’t want to brush me off. She didn’t want me to brush her off. She was actually fine with this being whatever it was. She was also heavily mistaken if she thought I was going to be able to look at another chick for the foreseeable future, but even a hint of monogamy felt like we’d be straying into complicated territory.
“Let me get this straight? Piper Barlow is willing to just have casual sex? With me?”
She snorted and dropped onto the bed beside me. “It’s less that I’m willing to have casual sex with you and more I don’t want to stop hanging out with you. If the sex happens, then the sex happens. If it doesn’t…”
“I never thought I’d see the day.”
