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“Ain't that her job? To bring promotion to the band?” He takes another puff and offers it to me.
I take it, trying to counterbalance the effects of the alcohol from earlier. “I suppose so, but she did it at my home when we were growing closer as a couple.”
“Oh, I see. You feel betrayed because you stopped seeing her as a representative of the company and started seeing her as your woman. But she being your representative saw something that may help further your career. You know, supporting her man.” He finishes the blunt and sparks up the other and passes it to me.
I sit back and take a few tokes, thinking about what he just said. Supporting her man.
“Look, I’m not trying to get in your business or anything but seems to me there is more to her doing what she did, and you being upset about it. Maybe you are using her actions as an excuse to step away because this wasn’t your normal run at the ladies. This was real. She was real.”
I know they say the effects of smoking weed can be harmful, but for Mark, it elevates his thinking. Not that he’s not smart, he is in fact a very well-educated man. His knowledge is vast in scholarly fields as well as the streets. He has two master’s degrees, one in business and the other in psychology, and was top of his graduating class both times. Not sure why he does what he does, and I’ve never asked. We met one night in a club after a gig about four years ago. I was doing worse than I am now and even more so than when I met Myka. He actually prevented my overdose. Ironic, isn’t it.
I allow the natural herbs to relax me, thinking about what Mark said and applying it to my own thinking. My god. I’ve hurt her to stay away from her. The painful truth gut-punches me and I feel like such a tool. I need to apologize to her. I take out my phone and try to call her, but it immediately goes to voicemail. I’m sure she has me blocked, so I call my brother.
“What the fuck did you do now, Simon?” he answers.
“What, can I get a hello at least?”
“No, Simon. You can’t. It’s nearly five a.m. and I have had to listen to Amber and Myka on the phone for the last thirty bloody minutes crying and yelling about what a piece of shit you are.”
His words target the same area Mark’s did, but with venom. My heart breaks a little too, knowing that I’m still causing her pain. I know I’m the last person he wants to talk to now and I certainly don’t want to hear his lecture.
“I’m sorry, bro. I’ll be at Mark’s if you need me. I’m gonna sleep it off in his guest room.”
“So, getting high is the answer to your problems, huh? Myka is right, you need help.”
Feeling offended, I yell at my brother for assuming I’m here getting blitzed. “No, what I need is to get over her. That is the only thing I can think of that will help me not go off the fucking deep end.” My pulse is racing, and I want to punch something or go on another bust-everything-up tangent. Instead, I calm down so I can catch my breath and control my emotions, slamming the second drink down my throat. Why do I have to love her? I think to myself.
“Simon, why don’t you try to talk to her. Maybe you need a cleaner break-up. Get it all out and split amicably.”
“Sebastian, I love her. God, I really fucked up.” I moan.
“Simon, you always fuck up. Question is, what are you going to do to fix it.”
“No, it should be, is this something I can fix? She’s everything I’ve ever wanted, yet I allowed something like this to ruin what we were starting. I saw my whole life with her, Bastian.”
My throat thickens with emotion and my eyes sting with the tears that threaten to spill. Having nothing more to add, I disconnect the phone and stand.
“I’m going to take a walk around your property, Mark. I’ll be back.”
“Simon, you can crash in the guest house out back if it gives you some peace. Just don’t do anything crazy. My lovely Laila will be there when you get back to keep you company.”
She walks over to me and seductively licks her lips before demonstrating with my finger the kind of company she can provide. I’d be lying if I said she wasn’t making little Simon rise to the call of duty with her ample breasts and beautiful arse. The honey-colored eyes and smooth brown skin are also attractive features, but I can’t sleep with another woman. In fact, I haven’t. That photo on the entertainment website was staged. I paid her to kiss me when the paparazzi wouldn’t stop hounding me about my love life and the sudden change back to the old me.
“No thanks mate, I don’t need her special services.” I give her a chaste peck on her cheek and walk out his side door grabbing a beer from the fridge. My phone buzzes with an incoming call from my brother, but I decline. In fact, I turn off my phone. I truly need to be alone and sort out my feelings for Myka. Hearing what Mark and Sebastian said about my irrational behaviour over something so trivial, really has me thinking. I’ve allowed my sensitive feelings to show up in my rehearsals, in my studio performance, the public eye; further jeopardizing our relationship with the label. Sadly, this may be our last album and my bandmates are pissed and I don’t blame them. I’m surprised Andy even showed up after the bartender called him for a rescue intervention. Especially after our blow-up in the studio this week.
The kickoff to the tour begins in two days here in LA and I can only hope I am able to speak with her by then and clear things up. But first, I need to apologize to my brother and mates for how I’ve been and explain the whole situation. And I plan to do that first thing tomorrow.
